


Freedom Or Mistake

by Kunoichirin



Series: John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake Drabbles [3]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Some Fluff, The Brotherhood of Mutants is Like a Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunoichirin/pseuds/Kunoichirin
Summary: Kitty tries to confront Bobby about what happened. It works, but...
Relationships: Bobby Drake/Rogue, John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake
Series: John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake Drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018363
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. An Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitty tries to help Bobby get over his slump. Meanwhile, the Brotherhood becomes a chaotic family.

It'd been a week since Bobby had spoken to anyone. Even if his body was there, his mind wasn't. He always had a dead look in his eyes, constantly staring off into space. 

Storm had been the one to fill Kitty in on what had happened, along with a long warning about not talking to Bobby about it. "It's harder for him than it is for the rest of us. Just... give him time." Were her exact words.

Ha! 'Give him time' her ass! Just because he was drowning in self pity and self blame didn't give him an excuse to completely change his personality. Instead of warm, lighthearted, and kind, he was cold, distant, and quiet.

Being miserable wasn't going to make things better, and they needed him. Even when they trained, he was always distracted, hardly paying any attention to what was going on around him.

Today was the last straw. Even though he did everything he was supposed to- homework, attend classes, take notes- he still hadn't spoken a single word in a while, and Kitty was getting sick of it.

"What do you plan to do about this?" Kitty asked Storm that evening.

"What do you mean?" She asked, half paying attention while she organized the bookshelf.

"I mean about Bobby. Are we seriously just giving up on him?" Kitty crossed her arms. Storm paused, her hand lingering on the book she'd just put in place. "We have to snap him out of it!"

"Kitty... you're concern is most appreciated, but he's grieving. We need to give him a break." Storm told her sadly. "Even if we tried, he won't budge. He has to get past this on his own."

"But that's bullshit!" Kitty blurted, startling Storm.

"Young lady, watch your language." She said warningly.

"I will not! What kind of teacher are you if you won't help a student who clearly needs your help!?" She exclaimed. "Are you giving up on John too? Are we just going to leave him there, with the Brotherhood? He's suffering too, and he's bad at coming up with solutions, so all he does is run away from his problems! He has no idea what he's getting himself into! Bobby needs him just as much as he needs Bobby."

"Katherine Anne Pryde." Storm said her full name, making her shut her mouth. "I'm only mutant. Meaning I make mistakes too, and I don't know what to do about every situation, and this is one of them. I'm not happy about losing John either, but he made his choice."

"And when are you going to tell that to Bobby?" Kitty taunted. "When are you going to tell him we can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued? How are you going to tell him he'll have to fight him one day? John isn't coming home until Bobby can admit to himself what he did wrong. What he's doing wrong. You must've noticed it too, right?"

"My student's business is not my own. It's not my place to get involved where they don't want me too." Storm explained. "But I wasn't super stoked about Bobby dating Rogue either. Surely Rogue knows something's not right by now."

"If Bobby wasn't so in deep in denial, maybe he'd have realized it himself sooner." Kitty sighed. "He shouldn't be forcing himself to do this, because he's only going to hurt himself and Rogue."

"Like I said, it's none of my business. If you're so concerned, maybe it's time for a friend intervention." Storm pointed out, winking at her. "If it's ever asked, I was never involved. But I want to see this resolved too."

Kitty took a deep breath. "That starts with telling him the truth."

"That's right." Storm nodded. "Now hurry along; you don't want to get caught out of bed after curfew."

"Thanks, Professor Munroe!" Kitty grinned, starting to back out the door. "He'll be somewhat back to normal before you know it!" Storm sighed and waved goodbye as she took off through the door.

It was time to pay Bobby a little visit.

After sprinting up two flights of stairs, and then running full speed down two hallways, she arrived (out of breath) at Bobby's door. She didn't expect him to answer if she knocked, but she knocked anyway.

No response.

She knocked again. Same result. Getting annoyed, she rapped on the door louder, making him definitely aware of her presence. When that didn't get him to open the door, Kitty got fed up and just walked through the closed door.

"You know it's rude not to answer the door." She pointed out when she located the miserable-looking lump on the bed. He didn't even acknowledge her. "I know you haven't been in a very talkative mood this past week, but I figured I'd try anyway."

Walking over to the bed, she sat down by his feet. He shifted away from her, grunting in annoyance. She rolled her eyes.

"You can't mope forever, y'know." Kitty told him. "You have to face the problem before you can find a solution to it. I know it's the last thing you'd want to talk about, but it's not your fault you didn't stop him."

Bobby tensed, curling into a tighter ball under the covers, as if that would protect him.

"I doubt anyone could've stopped him then, even you. Once he makes up his mind, he's dead set on it." Kitty recalled. "I hope you realize how stupid you're being about it. You're the reason he left in the first place."

Peeking over the top of the covers curiously at her, Bobby clearly wasn't sure what the heck she was talking about.

"He couldn't stand being around you, ever since you started dating Rogue. Do you know why that is?" Kitty inquired. He paused, then shook his head. "It's because denial isn't just a river in Egypt."

Squinting at her, he obviously didn't understand.

"John was hurting, and you were oblivious to it. You _chose_ to be oblivious to it, since you were so obsessed with your relationship with Rogue." Kitty informed him. "Come on, you know it isn't going to work out. You're only hurting yourself more."

His eyes got that dead look again, and he hid back under the covers.

"It's up to you to figure it out if you ever want John to forgive you. He's going to make a lot of mistakes if you don't, because he's terrible at dealing with his emotions." She explained to him. "You can hide from it all you want, but John isn't in danger from Magneto."

Bobby wasn't moving, but she knew he was listening.

"John left with them voluntarily. He joined them voluntarily. And do you know you drove him away, to make all these mistakes, to make him think he just couldn't stand being here anymore?" Kitty asked. There was still no movement from Bobby. "It was you. And you can't hide from it forever. You'll have to face your problems whether you're ready or not. So get your shit together, be a man, and figure it out."

Without another word, she got off the bed and started walking to the door. She heard a quiet sniffle as she phased through the door, and felt a pang of guilt. Shaking it off, she knew she did what she had to.

Now she just had to wait till the next day to see if she'd succeeded. She knew Bobby was suffering more than any of them, but it was called tough love. She needed him to work through it and be smart for once.

And even if that could be hard for him, she had faith he could do it knowing it was the only way to save John before he did something he really regret.

~

On cool nights like this when he couldn't sleep, John would open the window of his room and stare at the stars. But considering they were living under the stars already, he didn't have to move.

They had set up camp in a forest atop a hill, overlooking a small town. They were unlikely to be noticed up there. John hadn't known originally, but the Brotherhood was much more than just Magneto and Mystique. There were plenty more mutants who were fighting for the same purpose.

All of them were interesting people with interesting backgrounds. Some had questionable motives, while others had questionable intelligence. Most of them were common crooks or 'vigilantes'. And while he found them intriguing, he wanted nothing to do with them.

They were much to friendly for his taste. Welcomed him so quickly, he thought it had been a trick. Sure, they were thugs and ruffians, but who's to say ruffians and thugs can't be friendly people?

He just found it odd. Wasn't he an outsider to them? They knew nothing about him; not even his name, and yet they treated him like he'd always been there. While he should be fine with that, he just didn't like it. It mean they expected him to be social, which was never his strong suit. And he didn't want it to be.

He'd never find another person like Bobby, so what was the point in making friends? If he got too attached, he could get hurt again. He'd much rather be alone, or considered some kind of threat. 

That was another thing. He was insulted at how easily they accepted him into the group like he posed no kind of danger at all. Did he not look intimidating enough? Looks had never been an issue in his life; he thought he didn't look very approachable in the first place.

He just... didn't like it. Everyone had gone to sleep besides him, leaving him alone in the waking world. There was a numb feeling through his body, but it wasn't even that cold. He just felt terrible in general.

He'd originally thought that leaving would make everything easier, but getting over his past was always the hardest part. He'd just have to learn to adapt and move on. After all, nothing else he _could_ do.

_I wonder how Bobby's taking this..._ He thought subconsciously. _Tch. He probably hardly noticed. And anyway, he's happier with Rogue now. I'm right where I belong now, without him and making a difference. I don't need him; I never did!_

Taking a deep breath, he pulled his knees up to his chest, staring up at the stars again. _What I need is a real distraction. Maybe something interesting'll happen tomorrow. I just need sleep, to ignore these thoughts._

He lay back down, rolling onto his side. Sighing, he tried to get comfortable. Unfortunately, however, the ground wasn't exactly smooth. It was going to be rough night.

~

Something had certainly changed about Bobby. It wasn't anything major; he still wasn't talking, and he still looked dead inside; but he had this weird spark in his eye. Kitty couldn't tell what it was, but he was still very troubled.

The first time she'd really seen him was before training. He stood with good posture, chin up and shoulders back, back straight and stomach in. His expression was nearly emotionless, despite that little spark.

She was positive she'd done something right, but she wasn't fully sure. Everyone noticed his weird sudden change, including Storm.

Storm found her way over to Kitty, a very concerned look on her face. "What the heck did you do to Bobby?"

"I don't know!" She whispered back. "I confronted him about John, and how he's been acting stupid if he ever planned to do something about John's decision-"

"Wait, you _told_ him about John's decision? Did you also tell him why?" Storm demanded.

"Yyyep! I, uh, left when he started crying." Kitty coughed sheepishly. "What can I say? It's tough love!"

"There is a difference between tough love and disregarding another's feelings!" Storm exclaimed. "I knew it was a terrible idea to suggest an intervention from you- I should've listened to Jean-"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean? You talked to Jean about it beforehand? And you knew I was going to come to you?" Kitty inquired immediately. "I did what I thought would work! It's more than what _you_ were doing!"

"I was trying to give him time-"

"WHOA, what's going on over here?" Scott asked, stepping between the two of them. "We're about to begin training for the day, so best to head on over." Kitty rolled her eyes and shouldered past him to the rest of the class. Storm was about to do the same, but Scott stopped her. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Kitty would typically eavesdrop from afar, but she didn't really care at the moment. She would show Storm that she did perfectly fine, and that Bobby would be okay in the end. Sometimes, they just have to face the truth to move past it.

He could do that, easy! He was Bobby Drake! If Kitty knew anything about him, it was that he was persistent and he was strong. He could handle anything thrown at him, whether it was head on, or slow and steady.

Though, he'd never been this slow on overcoming something. So he just needed a little nudge in the right direction. Simple as that. There was no way she'd made it worse!

Right?

Once Storm and Scott rejoined them, they got right down to it. It was a simple training exercise with the holographic tech in that room. They'd be in a hypothetical situation against a gigantic robot of some kind.

The professors were going to let the students handle this one on their own, to see their progress. They said they had total faith in their abilities, and they were proud of how far they'd come.

Though Kitty could've sworn she heard Bobby mutter something like, 'John came further than anyone, but people can surprise you.' It made Kitty fill with guilt, realizing that now Bobby must've felt so utterly crushed, betrayed by his best friend. She really should've thought out her words more carefully.

The pep talk took a little longer than they liked, since they got the point. And then they were tossed into the room, where the professors would watch their performance on camera. What could go wrong?

Kitty could think up a number of things that could go wrong, but decided against telling anyone. Though, from the look Jean was giving her before they shut the door, she already knew, and was disturbed. Or was she looking at Bobby?

The hologram technology went into motion immediately after the door had completely shut. They instantly were thrust into a burning city, where everything was on fire, and everyone was running for their lives in the background.

Fire. Kitty glanced over at Bobby, who's eyes were glazed over again, the fire brightly reflected in his pupils. He seemed too shocked to move. The fire was probably a very bad idea on the professors' part.

She didn't even notice the gigantic robot enter the scene until it was towering above her. The X-men in training all scattered to get out of the way of it's swinging arms through the smoke.

Except Bobby. Bobby still hadn't moved, remaining completely frozen. She wasn't the only one to notice. Rogue dashed behind the robot, chucking a rock at its head to get it's attention away from Bobby, who was only three feet out of its range.

"Oi, tin can!" She shouted. It slowly turned it's red gaze on her, but she stood her ground, glaring right back and waving her arms above her head. "Yeah, you, uh... nuts and bolts for brains! Come and get me!"

Rogue turned and started sprinting for cover as it's red eyes began to glow, the obvious sign of an oncoming laser beam. Kitty watched Piotr quickly turn himself to steel as he dove behind rubble the moment the laser beam shot from it's eyes.

It was just the four of them, so they needed all the help they could get. Meaning Bobby needed to snap out of it. Rogue knew it too, considering that once Piotr had come out of hiding and frisbeed a pothole cover at the robot to direct its attention over to him, Rogue started speed-sneaking towards Kitty.

The moment she got there, she told her what was on her mind. "Why isn't Bobby moving? It's like he's paralyzed!" She hissed through grit teeth.

"I'm surprised you didn't piece it together yourself by now! He's having PTSD about John or something, so he's in a state of shock!" Kitty explained. "If we can snap him out of it, this'll be so much easier!"

"Alright then, I've got a plan." Rogue said in a low whisper. "You help Piotr distract the robot, I'll sneak around back to Bobby to snap him out of it."

"I was about to suggest the opposite, but yeah, let's go with your plan." Kitty shrugged. "I mean, you _are_ his girlfriend." She'd unintentionally said girlfriend with a certain spite behind it. But not at Rogue.

"...Right." Rogue nodded hesitantly. "We probably don't have a ton of time, so get out there and let's do this!" Kitty obeyed, running out to assist Piotr in distracting the robot.

Taking a deep breath, Rogue made a beeline straight for Bobby. How the shaking of the ground from the robot's stomps wasn't snapping him out of it already was a mystery to her.

The smoke certainly wasn't helping her vision. But she could still see him a few feet away. He was standing so still, she almost thought she'd snuck up on a statue. But as she got closer, she knew it was definitely Bobby.

He looked like he'd seen a ghost. But he needed to snap out of it. Grabbing his shoulders, she looked him directly in the eyes. "Hey! Hey, Bobby, wake up!" Shaking him wasn't working, he just stared right through her.

What kind of a trance was he in? Rogue didn't think he was afraid, and shock shouldn't last this long. Whatever it was, he needed to snap out of it.

"Bobby, we need you! John's not here, and he's not coming back! He made his choice!" She shouted, gripping his shoulders tighter. The glaze in his eyes cleared up to reveal a heartbroken expression- a split second before the ice.

Ice suddenly shot up from the ground, breaking everything else in it's path, piercing through the robot, and crashing into the walls. Rogue noticed it'd only missed Kitty and Piotr by a hair.

The hologram glitched, the ice sinking into the walls. The smoke had turned to a frosty fog, but the moment it cleared up, Rogue inhaled sharply. Inside the room was something of a spiky glacier, reaching the ceiling and filling up most of the room, apart from where Bobby and Rogue were standing. 

Blinking a little, Bobby stumbled back a bit, releasing a shuddering sigh. Kitty and Piotr were heading over to them to see what the hell had just happened, when Bobby looked at Rogue with a foreign look in his eyes.

It took Rogue a second to realize it was anger. Bobby never got angry, and when he did, it wasn't for too long. But this look in his eyes was so dead serious, Rogue was afraid to speak, or even move.

"You're right." He announced, loud and clear. "John has made his choice. But so have I. And I'm not giving up on him." Bobby took a deep breath and relaxed a bit, looking up at the new glacier filling up the room. Looking over at Rogue sheepishly, he spoke up. "Did I do that?"

"And that would be the physical representation of what you've been bottling up inside." Kitty said, staring at the ice in awe. "I knew all you had to do was let it out."

They saw a red glow on the crack in the door just before the professors shoved it open, breaking the frost that had apparently coated the door, along with the floor and walls.

"Is everybody okay?! Is anyone hurt?!" Storm demanded immediately upon entry. They all looked at her and shook their heads. Jean was staring at the ice with a look of dread.

"My god." She breathed. "Emotions are a very powerful thing. Next time something like this happens, someone could get seriously hurt." Looking over at Bobby, who was hugging himself, looking away from the professors in shame, she added. "Take this as an example to make sure there won't _be_ a next time, okay?"

"Okay." Bobby nodded quietly. "I feel a little better now, though, if that's reassuring to anyone."

"See? I told you I did something right!" Kitty smirked at Storm, who rolled her eyes in response.

"I think I'm ready to do this." Bobby continued. "If we ever cross paths with the Brotherhood again, I'll be ready for them. For him."

"He might not have reserves against fighting you, Bobby." Scott pointed out. "Are you sure you're prepared for that?"

Bobby looked at him and sighed. "I don't really have a choice about that. But I'm done hiding in my room and moping. I'll have to face him sooner or later, so best to get ready for it."

"Alright, fine." Storm frowned at Kitty. "I'll admit, I guess I was wrong. Kind of." Kitty smirked cheekily at her in triumph. "Don't think that means you're getting anything else outta me, though."

"Well, I'm glad you're back to normal now, Bobby." Rogue smiled, gently taking his hand in her gloved one. "I missed you."

Bobby smiled back, but didn't say anything. Kitty looked over at Jean, who looked like she was trying very hard not laugh. Which meant Bobby was thinking exactly what Kitty thought he was thinking. 

Too bad Rogue was too stupid to realize their relationship wasn't going to last. Kitty almost pitied her. "Well, it's good to have you back, Bobby."

"Yeah." Bobby nodded. "Good to be back."


	2. Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brotherhood has a campfire where they share stories. John is reluctant to participate, but Mystique helps him open up a bit.
> 
> Meanwhile, Bobby is thinking of breaking up with Rogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, ocean eyes as in Bobby's eyes, and yes, Ocean Eyes like the Billie Eilish song.

It was stupid. John thought joining the Brotherhood would make it easier for him to become detached and not have to make friends, but the opposite seemed to be true. 

Obviously he understood that they were all mutants with troubling backgrounds, but they didn't have to _bond_ over them. They were called 'back'grounds for a reason. As in behind you. In the past. Oblivioni traditæ.

So much for that hope. John hated talking about anything that even remotely had to do with his past. And he certainly wasn't about to tell some strangers he met only two days ago. Because it made him feel vulnerable or weak, which he despised more than anything.

Of _course_ he was reluctant to participate! What did anyone expect? Magneto was the leader, but he seemed to let Mystique deal with the Brotherhood unless it had to do with his plans. And she wasn't letting anyone out of it. Not even John.

John hadn't spoken to any of the recruits, even when they tried to speak to him. They were all a lot older than him, apart from a few who were in their early twenties, and though he'd never admit it out loud, he was intimidated.

Even if they were a bunch of goofy clowns, he wanted nothing to do with them. Period. But, of course, Mystique was there. While they were all gathered at the campfire already, trading names and jokes, John had attempted to hide in his tent.

Unfortunately, Mystique had noticed he was missing, and came to find him. He was flicking the cap of his lighter open and close when she unzipped the door and invited herself in.

"So this is where you're hiding." She teased, sitting down a few feet away from him. He glanced up at her once before returning his attention to the small flame. "The night's only just begun; it's too early to go to bed."

"I guess I'm just tired." He lied, still not looking at her. She hesitated, then frowned.

"Come on, don't be like that." John flinched, and she paused in confusion. "Are you alright? I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're afraid of. I just think you could stand to be a little more social."

"I didn't join the Brotherhood to 'be social'." John told her coldly, continuing to flick the cap of his lighter. "I joined to do something right for once."

"Well, you could start by not hiding yourself away." Mystique pointed out. "Look, kid, I understand you don't like strangers, but better to have allies. For once, you're among people who understand you."

"What makes you think they understand me? _I_ don't even understand me. And I don't need friends here, or anywhere." John shot back. Mystique sighed and rolled her eyes.

"God, you're as stubborn as me." She muttered. "It took me a good long while to trust people other than those I was already familiar with. But you gotta give them a chance before deciding you don't trust them."

John scoffed, still refusing to look up at her. He jumped when she suddenly took his free hand in hers, pulling him up anyway.

"Come on, no more Mr. Angsty Teenager." She said, pulling him out of the tent. "These are the people you're going to be working with, so best get used to them. And have fun while you can!"

Deciding he was unable to argue with her, he simply allowed her to drag him along to the campfire, and to an unoccupied log to sit next to her. Once she'd sat down, she whistled loudly to get everyone's attention. They all went silent.

"Welcome, mutants!" She greeted with a smile. "You've all been here for less than a week, so why don't we take the time to get to know one another? After all, a team only works so well as strangers."

She had a way of getting people's attention.

"Obviously, this isn't some delicate group that's all fun and games, so we have fun when we can. You need to be ruthless, you need to be fierce, you need to know how to take orders, and you need to know how to work with others." Mystique gave John the side eye, and he rolled his eyes in response. "There are going to be times when you might question what we do. If you have second thoughts, get out now. We don't need reluctance. We need fighters."

There was a pause, just in case anyone wanted to leave. No one moved, their eyes only on her. John wondered how many people there actually did have second thoughts, but were afraid of backing out.

"Good. Now that we have that bit out of the way," She sat back down, and softened her intense stare. "I've never done this before, but I think this usually goes something like, uh... introduce yourself, your mutation, and a little fact about yourself. I'll start." She took a deep breath, then smiled. "Hello, my name is Mystique. My ability is that I can take on the appearance and voice," She shifted appearance to one of the people near her. "Of any," She shifted to another. "Person," She shifted to another. "That I wish." She finished by shifting back to her usual blue self. "I'm excellent on infiltration missions."

There was a brief applaud before she nudged the next person to go. They were apparently going clockwise, meaning John was going last. Great.

"Oh, um, my name is, uh, Cataclysm. Because my ability is that I can dissolve anything I touch with both hands." The girl on the next log introduced. "An interesting fact about me... hm... well, I like pandas?"

That made Mystique smile. It continued like that, each person saying their self-appointed names, their mutation, and some random fact about them. John paid attention, and immediately figured out what kind of person each of them was based on their answers and the way they delivered them. A talent he'd picked up on the streets.

While it was helpful for him to know the kind of people he'd be forced to work with, he thought this whole activity was stupid, even if it wasn't entirely pointless. He always hated those 'get to know you' activities they did each year in Church School. He'd been thankful they didn't do them in Xavier's school, but the deja vu he was getting felt awful.

It was slowly approaching his turn, and he was fidgeting with his lighter nervously. He hated when he was the center of attention. Whenever everyone's eyes were on him, he felt chills and just generally uncomfortable. 

The chills alerted him that the person before him had finished. Daring to look up, everyone's eyes were on him. He shifted a little bit closer to Mystique, keeping his eyes focused on the already dying embers of the campfire. Whoever had made the fire originally wasn't very good at it.

"Pyro." He introduced somewhat loudly. "I can manipulate fire." He gave an example by reigniting the fire from the embers. Now he had to say a fact? What was he supposed to say? 'I don't like attention'? 'I have incredibly bad luck'? 'I'm miserable because my best friend betrayed my trust'? They were all staring at him expectantly. Words formed on their own. "I hate blue eyes."

It wasn't completely a lie. Whenever he saw blue eyes, all he could think was Bobby. He had to move on from his past, but how could he do that if every time he saw blue eyes, he thought of him? 

But they also made him feel at ease, seeing his calm ocean eyes. That feeling wasn't something he had control over, so he was doomed to suffer forever. He hoped Mystique would say something so the attention would move away from him.

"Y'know, I thought you looked familiar." One of the men spoke up. John tensed up immediately, looking over at him. The man had a very visible and messy burn scar on his neck.

"Uh-oh." John said. Mystique looked to John in confusion.

"Uh-oh? Why uh-oh?" She inquired.

"Let's just say it's never a good thing when people recognize me." John informed her. "From the burn, I'm going to take a wild guess and say you were either a part of some sort of crime ring and I pissed you off, or you're a police officer."

"Crime ring. I honestly didn't think you were alive." The man chuckled. "After you'd evaded us for the third time, our boss fired everyone, saying he'd only take back the people who caught you. When I'd heard from my associates that you'd disappeared, I thought for sure someone had killed you."

"Ha! I wish." John muttered. "But no, I'm physically alive."

"Wow, this is kind of sad." The man commented. "What happened to the snarky little brat that handed our asses to us?"

"He grew up." John sighed. "Anyway, don't talk to me like we're old friends or something. One of the reasons I came here was so I _didn't_ have to be social."

"I see you still have major trust issues." The man joked.

"Shut the fuck up." He glared at him, the campfire flaring up a little. After a brief awkward pause, Mystique decided to change the subject.

"Well, aren't you all just a happy bunch." She said sarcastically. "Anyone else have any stories to share? Perhaps of some exciting endeavor?" 

And just like that, the night continued. John sat there, not paying attention to what anyone was saying, instead returning his attention to his lighter and it's little flame.

Now he wished he'd just stayed in his tent. He wasn't tired by any means, but he didn't want to sit through a bunch of old people droning on about war stories and such. He'd much rather be by himself.

As he was about to get up to leave, Mystique grabbed his arm, keeping him sitting. "Listen," She began quietly. "I know you'd rather be doing anything than sit here and hear about other people's lives. But you'll be working with these people. Best to know as much about them as possible. There's a lot of seemingly useless information that could be extremely useful in different situations. Trust me on this."

Hesitating, John sighed, and relaxed, pulling his arm out of her grip. She folded her hands in her lap, and returned her attention to whoever was speaking currently. He should've known she wouldn't just let him go that easily.

She was right, of course. She always seemed to be. Learning all he could about someone was a good way to learn how to predict their choices and patterns. Everyone had patterns.

Although he was only half paying attention, and half staring into the campfire, he heard something that startled him. Someone was talking about their terrible luck, and they brought up what they found to be the worst kind of pain.

"Honestly, the worst kind of pain someone can go through is getting set on fire and smashing through trees after falling off a three-story building." The lady was laughing about it, but it made John grimace. Who the hell joked about pain? 

"That is far from the worst kind of pain someone can go through." John scoffed. "I've jumped from a four-story building before and fallen through trees, and that's one of the least painful things I've experienced."

"Oh? The grump speaks again!" The woman taunted. "And just what would a kid like you know about pain?"

"Well, when you take into consideration both physical pain _and_ mental pain, there are thousands of things more painful than that." John shrugged. "I mean, clearly you've never given birth before, but I hear that's pretty rough. You haven't lost a limb or an eye or something else like that. I haven't either, but I'm just saying."

"I mean, he's not wrong." Cataclysm so helpfully agreed. The other woman was clearly not used to being talked back to, and seemed pissed off for some unknown reason.

"Alright then, if you're so smart, what would you say is the painful thing _you've_ gone through?" She hissed.

"Huh. That's a difficult one." John paused to think about it, then sighed and leaned back on his hands, staring up at the sky. "Despite everything I've been through, I'd have to say that it was getting hurt by someone that I've told and explained my pain to. Getting hurt by someone who knows my past, and how broken and scarred I am. And yet they did the exact same thing they said they'd never do."

No one spoke for a moment. The look on the woman's face was priceless. The look on _everyone's_ face was priceless. It almost made him forget what he'd just admitted. The only face that was different from the others was Mystique, who had an expression as if she were looking at herself instead of him.

"Did he really hurt you that badly?" She asked quietly.

John froze, gripping the bark of the log he was sitting on. _She knows- of course she knows! She knows firsthand that I ~~care~~ cared about him too much for my own good! Hell, she pretended to be him once, and I basically saw past it immediately! Who does that?!_

"I think I'm going to turn in now." He said finally, getting up. This time, Mystique didn't stop him. "Goodnight." He added over his shoulder, flaring up the fire one last time before he walked out of sight.

There was a reason he didn't tell people these things. All they would do was treat him like some delicate flower. He swore, if he woke up tomorrow to people treating him differently, he'd set them all on fire.

He must've been tired if he'd let himself mention anything from his past. And for what? To prove some ignorant woman wrong? It's not like she was _completely_ wrong, even if he didn't really know how painful being on fire was.

Nobody needed to know anything about him except that he was willing to fight. But at the same time... it'd felt really good to get off his chest. Not nearly as amazing as when he'd told Bobby everything.

_How many times are you going to let yourself keep thinking about him!? Move on already!!_ He scolded himself, gripping his lighter so tightly his knuckles turned white. _He doesn't deserve your thoughts. Get. Over. It._

As his mother once said, 'it's hard to forget you when you're so fucking annoying'. _Wait, that wasn't the right quote._ No, the one that he was trying to remember was, 'It's hard to move on from someone who you love. But you've got to, or else you're just giving them power. And you're stronger than them. Always will be.'

That was actually said to his sister after her first breakup, and after he got eavesdropping by his father... he shuddered. _Stop doing this to yourself! You're in a better place now, and they can go to hell for all I care. Pull yourself together. You're fine. You're just... tired! Is all. Probably. Hopefully._

Slipping back into his tent, he immediately got on his knees, and then flopped onto his side. He didn't bother to actually get in the sleeping bag- he hardly cared enough to.

Flicking his lighter, he stared into the fire; his only comfort. Even when it went out, it came back just as bright. He liked that about fire. It always came back, stronger than before. Just like he always did.

It just had to be rebuilt. It was hard to build a fire, much less perfectly. But he always came back, didn't he? This time certainly wouldn't be the exception. He'd just have to be patient. It'd all be okay in the end. 

It always was.

Something made him think of Jean. He sat up quickly, expecting her to be at the entrance of his tent, staring at him with those sorrowful eyes. Of course, he was alone. But he still felt her presence.

Which could only mean one thing.

"Get out of my head." He hissed through grit teeth, pulling the card he always did around her. He forced his mind to go blank, completely empty, shutting his eyes tightly.

~

Jean gasped, stumbling back a little. Scott caught her, helping her stay upright. "What?" He asked, holding her shoulders gently. "What is it?"

"I've never... been kicked out of someone's head before." She breathed, touching her jaw curiously. "It's like getting punched in the face by some kind of invisible force."

"What are you talking about? Is that why your eyes were glowing?" He inquired. It was just the two of them alone, in their room, getting ready for bed. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know... I tried to check in on John." She told him. "Perhaps it had something to do with the distance, and his odd skill of blocking me out. But I've never been forced out like that."

"Why were you trying to reach John? He made his choice; he wants nothing to do with us." Scott reminded her bitterly. "...How is he, though?"

"Not great, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself." Jean sighed. "I could gather bits an pieces, and it was all very confusing. Like he was at war with himself on a number of topics."

"I thought as much." He grumbled, laying back in their bed. "He doesn't realize how much he needs our help. Well, yours, anyway. Not sure how much good I'd do. He never really liked me."

"He doesn't think much about you, but there's a certain fatherly vibe he gets from you. Even if he doesn't know what it is." Jean informed him. Scott looked at her in surprise. "The person he thinks about the most, though, is-"

"Let me take a wild guess." Scott interrupted her. "Bobby."

"Yes. Despite the fact that he's the person John's been trying the hardest _not_ to think about it." Jean said sadly. "He's not doing too hot, and he certainly isn't going to get any better under Magneto's guidance."

"Tell me about it." Scott rolled his eyes. "I feel like the only person who'd be able to convince John to come back is Bobby. But only if he really realized everything he was doing to the poor boy."

"You're certainly not wrong-" Jean began, then paused. Sighing, she looked at the door. "You can come out, Bobby. I know you're listening." Scott grumbled something under his breath as Bobby slowly opened the door, the guilt of being caught obvious on his face.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't sleep, so I was on my way downstairs, and I couldn't help but overhear John's name." He explained nervously. "My curiosity got the better of me, I'm sorry."

"Not curiosity. Concern." Jean corrected, with a gentle smile. "It's alright Bobby. I'm well aware of how much you care about him." She took a moment to read what was on his mind. "You're thinking of breaking up with Rogue."

"What? I wasn't-"

"It's about time." Scott scoffed. Bobby looked at him in confusion.

"We all saw it coming, Bobby. She does too. You both know you're better off as friends." Jean told him. "Believe me when I say it's definitely for the best."

He stared at the ground for a moment. "Yeah, you're right." He sighed. "I should tell her soon."

"But not right now." Jean put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Right now, you need to try to go back to sleep. Getting proper sleep is as important as all those jumbled thoughts on your mind. Just try to clear your head and relax, alright?"

Bobby smiled a little. "I'll try my best."

Watching him go back down the hall towards his dorm, Jean sighed, leaning against the door frame. "Why are these two so complicated? When are they going to stop being difficult and just..." She trailed off, closing the door.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked quietly after a moment. She sat down on the bed, hanging her head. 

"It's just... I wish there was more I could do to help them. But they have to do this on their own." She tried to explain. She then shuddered, an odd picture coming to mind. They were surrounded by fire, on some battlefield.

John and Bobby were fighting. There was a circle of fire around them, keeping them isolated from the rest of the fighting outside. The fight was hard to watch, Bobby pleading with John, while John was shouting at him relentlessly.

She could hardly figure out what was going on before the vision ended. She looked up at Scott.

"And their future isn't looking too good."


	3. The "Cure"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brotherhood and X-Men (along with basically the whole world) hears about this 'cure' for mutants. Naturally, John and some of the other members of the Brotherhood head to a rally in front of the building offering said cure, where Bobby and John meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will end about as well as you can imagine.

_It was a typical day at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters. One of the young girls had burst into the classroom earlier that day, screaming that they were bleeding and then they started convulsing on the floor. Storm ended up dealing with that mess. All the guys in the class had started freaking out, and all the girls had gone to help the little girl like this was normal._

_Later that day, another kid had somehow clogged all of the toilets, so everyone had to do their business outside in the bushes. Oh, and because they'd clogged the toilets, they had to shut down the water so they could work to fix the problem (mostly Jean using her telekinetic powers, and Scott getting his hand stuck in one of the toilets)._

_Yep. Just your average, run-of-the-mill school. Still, John did enjoy the everyday drama that presented itself. Made things less much less boring than he'd always thought school was._

_Oh, and after they turned the water back on, two of the upstairs urinals exploded out water, flooding that bathroom and leaking through the floorboards and down the stairs. Yet another job for Jean._

_Of course Storm helped her dry the carpets in the hallways by opening the windows and using huge gusts of wind. But then a flock of birds found their way inside, followed by two bear cubs, a fox, and the mama bear lurking outside for her cubs._

_Basically, school continued as normal, except they kept being short a few teachers for class. And Xavier filled in for all of them. Yes, just a typical day of school._

_By the end of the day, Storm, Jean, and Scott had tracked down each individual bird and set them free. They found one of the bear cubs stuck in one of the kitchen stools, and the fox in someone's laundry basket._

_They called it a day, completely forgetting about the second bear cub. And none of the students were aware of it either, convinced that their teachers had completely handled the situation._

_Until later that night._

_John lay there in bed, yet another sleepless night. He had a lot of those nowadays. Maybe he should take Bobby up on that offer to sleep in his room... "No, that's ridiculous." He scoffed out loud, shifting onto his side._

_Sighing, he flicked his lighter in his hand, staring at it, hoping it would soothe him. As he flicked it, he heard a creak under his bed. He froze. That easily just could've been the sound his bed made when he moved._

_There was then a low whine heard from under his bed._ Oh god, there's definitely something there. _He thought to himself. But he could be brave. He could just look under there and see what it was. It couldn't be a monster or something, right?_

_Another low whine sounded, a little louder this time. Holding his lighter tightly, he slowly leaned off the side of his bed, scooting forward until his nose was just below the bottom of his bed._

_Shining the lighter under his bed, the first thing he saw were shiny eyes leaping at him. He screamed, falling off his bed, and getting scratched along his nose by something sharp._

_The next thing that registered was a small bear face peering at him curiously, slowly padding towards him. Scrambling to his feet, he wasted no time shouldering his door open and immediately sprinting down the hall screaming._

_Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that the little bear had given chase. One of the things he hated most in the world was when something or someone was chasing him. Because then that adrenaline kicked in and he felt like if he stopped running, he would die._

_"John? It's two in the morning, why are you screami-" John cut whoever was talking by jumping into their arms, and hoisting himself up onto their shoulders like some kind of spider monkey._

_"Bobby, help!" He immediately screeched after realizing who's shoulders he was perched on. It amazed him that Bobby was still standing. "Bear!" He shined his lighter at the little cub still padding after him._

_Bobby blinked several times, rubbing his eyes. "What the heck? What's a bear cub doing in the school? And where's it's mo-" The two of them tensed when they heard a low growl behind them. "-ther..."_

_Turning in horror, they saw a huge bear pacing towards them, head lowered, sniffing the ground. They both stood completely still._

_"Don't, move." Bobby whispered urgently. John didn't need to be told twice. "It can't see us if we don't move."_

_"Then stop moving your mouth, dumbass!" John hissed quietly in response. The bear continued to walk towards them, still sniffing the ground. When it got to Bobby's feet, it stopped, sniffing his feet curiously._

_Bobby held his breath as the bear continued to sniff him up and down, until it caught wind of John, and stood up to sniff at him._

_"Freeze it." John whispered as quietly as he could, praying only Bobby heard him. "It's off balance." Bobby was too afraid to listen, remaining paralyzed in fear. If they moved, they could very easily die._

_They then heard a little happy moan from the cub, who they'd completely forgotten about. The cub walked around them and to it's mother, which then sniffed it, and began nuzzling it._

_The two bears then turned around and began to walk off together, back in the direction they came from. It was at that moment that Storm suddenly float down from above, a sudden rumble of thunder scaring all of them- John, Bobby, and the bears._

_Storm proceeded to chase the bears down the stairs and out of view, presumably out of the school. Jean came up behind them to make sure they were okay._

_"Are you two alri-" They both screamed, startled by Jean's sudden appearance, making them lose balance and tumble to the floor. "Oh my gosh! I didn't mean to scare you, are you okay?!"_

_"Yeah, I think we're fine now." Bobby exhaled a sigh of relief. "What the heck was a bear doing in the school?"_

_"Ah. Well, I guess we accidentally forgot there was a second cub. So sorry about that, John." Jean apologized. John looked over at her, catching his breath._

_"It's... it's no problem. I just definitely won't be sleeping tonight." He replied._

_"Again? John, that really isn't healthy." Jean frowned. "But I suppose this one's on me."_

_"Come sleep in my room instead." Bobby offered. John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "It might help to be with someone else." Jean smiled at him, then helped the two of them to their feet._

_"That sounds like a great idea, wouldn't you agree, John?" Before John could protest, Jean gently ushered them towards Bobby's room. "You two should go to bed now and at least try to get a little sleep. Goodnight boys!"_

_John sighed, and followed Bobby back into his room. They both climbed into bed, back to back. John would never admit it, but it_ was _comforting to have someone else there._

_Shutting his eyes, he relaxed. It had happened kind of fast, so he took a moment to really process if that had indeed just happened._

_What a weird night._

~

John was startled awake when someone dumped a bunch of snow on him. Bolting upright immediately, he exclaimed, "Bobby, what the hell?!" His eyes registered his surroundings as a tent, and there was a girl at the entrance who definitely wasn't Bobby. "Oh." He hunched his shoulders, remembering he was no longer at Xavier's. "Right."

The girl standing there, trying very hard no to laugh, was the woman John remembered to be called Cataclysm. He frowned at her, his eyes demanding an explanation.

"Sorry, sorry." She apologized non-sincerely, still holding in her snickering. "Mystique said to get you up. She wants all the mutants up for some kind of important meeting."

"And you decided to throw snow on me?" John cocked an eyebrow at her in annoyance. She backed out of his tent to finally release her pent up laughter. John rolled his eyes. To be fair, he and Bobby had done the same thing to Scott a couple times before. So this was what it was like.

Digging his lighter out of the snow, he made his way out of the tent, shaking out his shoes and putting them on. He walked past her, heading towards the fire pit, where he figured they'd be.

"Hey, I said I'm sorry!" Cataclysm caught up with him, walking beside him. "You're not still mad, are you?"

"Nah, I've done it before too." John shrugged. "I am annoyed that you're still talking to me, though."

"Wow, and I thought you were just grumpy last night 'cause you were tired." She laughed. "But I guess it's just your personality." John decided to ignore that, trudging through the light snow on the hill towards the pit. 

It wasn't very cold, but it had apparently snowed last night. Well, it was coming to that time of the year, so he really shouldn't have been that surprised. Still, waking up to someone dumping it on you wasn't a great way of waking up.

"Oh, hey, by the way," Cataclysm apparently hadn't learned to keep her mouth shut. "Who's Bobby?"

John glared at her, making her flinch. "None of your business." He hissed before trudging ahead of her. She didn't try to catch up that time, much to his relief. 

Whatever this meeting was about, the moment he saw the rage in Mystique's eyes, he knew it couldn't be good. Taking a seat on an unoccupied log, he gave her and Magneto his full, undivided attention.

Once all the mutants were seated, Magneto began. "Fellow Brotherhood. It has been brought to my attention that the humans have created a weapon to attempt to wipe us out. A supposed 'cure' for our genetic superiority."

The silence was tense, only broken by a few hushed whispers among each other. John grimaced. Technology was developing at an alarming rate; he knew something like this wouldn't be too far ahead.

"Clearly, this is a declaration of war against us mutants." Magneto growled bitterly. "And I will not be one of the cowards who stands aside and does nothing to keep our race alive! We are not going to remain silent- we are going to take a stand for what is right! They will soon see what a mistake it was to challenge us."

Mystique took the stage. "We've been given word of a protest starting up in front of the building offering this 'cure'. We will send a few of you to scout out the situation, and relay your finding back to us. We need information about where this cure is coming from, and destroy it at it's source."

"I'll go!" Someone said, standing up. This was followed by nearly everyone standing up and volunteering to tribute to this mission. John knew that if this was a stealth mission, he would be a great asset to it. But he doubted he'd get the chance with so many other options. Still, he stood among them.

"Now, now, I love the enthusiasm, but settle down." Mystique hushed them. Everyone slowly sat back down to listen. "But we already did an evaluation and will be sending four of you. The point is to blend in, but if you find someone you believe could be a valuable ally, offer them a place with us. We'll be doing a little recruiting afterwards anyway."

"I'm sure you all are dying to know who was chosen for this particular mission." Magneto retook the spotlight. "We've chosen very carefully." Clearing his throat, he pulled out a small note. "Orion,"

"Yes!" One of the older men cheered quietly.

"Cataclysm,"

"Let's go!" Cataclysm pumped her fist in triumph.

"Excalibur."

A man with a very large sword for a hand grunted in acknowledgement.

"And Pyro."

John blinked in surprise. "Oh. Okay."

"You should all start getting ready to go. You'll be heading out this afternoon, and get there by morning." Magneto continued. "All four of you are expected to return with information. All of mutant kind is counting on you."

"No pressure or anything." John joked to himself. He was almost startled when Cataclysm snickered. Magneto had apparently finished, so everyone was dismissed to prepare.

Mystique whistled loudly, getting John's attention before he could wander off too far. "A word?" Confused, he jogged back over to the two to see what was up. "Keep an eye on the three of them, would you? I know at least Excaliber can be kind of unpredictable."

"Wait, wait, hold up." John stopped her. "You're putting me in charge?"

"Yes, because out of the four of you, I trust you the most." Magneto informed him. "And in the grand scheme of things, I believe you'll play a much bigger part for mutant kind than any of them will."

That was new. No one had ever put him in charge before; much less trusted him enough to even consider it. "...But why? We've known each other for, what, maybe a week at most? And you're ready to trust me just like that? That sounds like a horrible idea."

"We trust you because you know how important trust is. How valuable it is. Besides, you're clever, and far more intelligent than you give yourself credit." Mystique told him. "And I know you won't disappoint."

John considered for a moment that they were testing him. If that were the case, so be it.

"Yes, ma'am."

~

Throughout the whole trip, Cataclysm had done nothing but talk, talk, talk. John was already sick of her voice before, but now he just wanted to burn his ears off, really, really badly.

Orion seemed like the talkative type as well, being the only person interacting with her. And either Excalibur was the big silent type, or he was just mute. In other words, John didn't like any of them in the slightest. Except maybe Excalibur. But only because he didn't talk.

Excalibur also seemed to be like a tracking animal, excellent with directions, and lead the group to their destination a lot faster than they'd anticipated. The sun was barely up, and they were already walking down the streets of the city.

As Cataclysm continued to talk nonstop, John was reaching his limit. He just wanted her to stop talking. But once they got to their destination, they would split up, and he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. 

Which motivated him to really move ahead of the group, and he kept having to wait for them to catch up. The city was his domain, so he'd taken over leading the group.

They were still a ways away when they heard the loud protesting in the distance. They sounded like an angry mob. _Good._ John smirked. _That'll make things so much more interesting._

"And that's our call." He said out loud, continuing to walk at a brisk pace towards the protest. He was filled with a new determination; to get this right. He wasn't going to let Mystique or Magneto down. "Let's go."

From a bystander's point of view, they looked like a group you wanted to avoid. Particularly the one with the sword for a hand. They looked like they were ready to start trouble. So naturally, they'd want to call the police.

John didn't give a shit about whatever bystanders were doing, but he never liked when someone looked at him, then called someone. It always meant bad news. He tried to hurry it up a bit and get to the mob where he could blend in with the crowd.

The second they got to the protest, he paused, glancing over his shoulder at his comrades. "Mystique gave me these." He tossed them each an earpiece. "So we can check in if we find something."

"Lookit you, already one of the favorites of the higher-ups." Cataclysm teased. "I'll try to talk to people. I'm great at making conversations." She was the first to blend into the mob.

The rest of them merged as well, heading in different directions. John wasn't exactly sure what he should be looking for, or what questions to ask, or how exactly he was going find anything.

But he'd do his best anyway. Because that was all he really could do. He wasn't exactly eager to stay there very long. It was rather loud, and he hated large crowds. Though it would be easy to pickpocket some people without them noticing...

_No, John, stop that. You don't need to do that anymore. And these people are on your side._ John scolded himself. He then noticed two heavy-duty guards by some big trucks. _Hm. I wonder what that is._

Sneaking through the crowd, he got closer to the large trucks. What was in them? Sliding underneath the vehicles, he crawled forward to listen in on the conversation the two guards were having. The way they were dressed, he guessed that they were some kind of special task force.

And if that were the case, these trucks could've been the transport for the so-called cure. Which clearly meant these agents could know something important. Wow, he hadn't thought it'd be that easy.

"--It's ridiculous, really." One of the guards was saying. "All these mutants gathered here; you'd think they'd just kill them all instead of wasting their time on a cure." John already didn't like where this was going.

"Yeah, but they're still citizens of America, and therefore have the right to peacefully protest. A mass murder would be like taking the pin out of a grenade." The other guard pointed out. "And it'd be idiotic and despicable to do such a thing."

"It's kind of ironic, though." The first guard sneered. "A mutant being the undoing of all mutant kind? Someone should write a book about that."

"Makes you wonder how their making the cure though... I mean, I hear the mutant is just a child." The second guard added. "Keeping an innocent child secluded on an island, almost entirely in isolation for experimentation- it's inhuman."

" _They're_ inhuman, dude. Literally. And besides, best we make a move before the mutants do." The first guard shrugged. "And in any case, I thought the child was perfectly fine with it?"

John didn't want to hear anymore of this conversation. He got what he needed, time to get out of there. Sheesh, that was stupid easy. Did guards always gossip about super secret plans? What an idiotic move.

Sneaking back out from under the truck, he got to his feet and re-merged with the crowd. In and out, just like a real spy. He felt rather accomplished. He should check in with the others and tell them what he'd found.

Going to the back of the crowd, he pressed the button on the ear piece. "I got what we came for." Was the first thing he said. 

"What?! Already?! That was quick." Cataclysm responded. _Ugh, her voice is even more annoying over the phone._

"Yes, already. Even supposedly well-trained guards like to gossip." John shrugged. "The source of this 'cure' is another mutant. Some kid's DNA is being used to create it. Now, I don't have a location, exactly, but they said the kid was on a secluded island somewhere."

"That's sick." Orion checked in. "Well, good. We can get out of here now. All this yelling is starting to make my head hurt."

"Took the words right outta my mouth." John sighed. "I mean, we could also try to dig up an exact location- here, let me see if I can get a better look at those trucks." 

Just as he turned to get a better look at the side of the trucks, someone trod over his foot, startling him. A little unbalanced, he bumped into someone else, and nearly fell over. But someone caught him.

"John?"

"What the f- of course you're here." John growled, glaring up at Bobby, of whom he'd just bumped into. "What are you doing here? Getting the cure so you can run back home to mommy and daddy?" He taunted.

He heard Cataclysm snicker in his ear, then remembered the ear piece was still on. Pressing the button to turn it off, he regained his balance so he could get away from Bobby.

"No, the X-men were just sent here to figure out what was going on. I didn't expect to find you here." Bobby smiled a little. "It's... good to see you."

That seriously pissed John off. "It's good to see me? That's all you have to- fuck off, Iceman. I don't have time to waste on you." He hissed, starting to walk away. But Bobby grabbed his arm before he could. Right on his bullet wound. "OW! What the hell?!"

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't see where I was grabbing, I just- don't go." Bobby replied, moving his hand a little higher so he still had a grip on him. "Look, I know I screwed up. Badly. But I never wanted you to leave!"

"You never- you think this is about what you wanted, or what I think you wanted?!" John barked. He couldn't believe the audacity of this man. "I left because I couldn't stand being there! Don't you get sick of playing by the rules all the time, sitting by, trying to find the peaceful ways to resolve everything?"

"Yes, of course I do! But it's the right thing to do, and I have a responsibility to do it!" Bobby protested. "...Can't you just come back? Whatever Magneto has to offer, it can't be better than what the X-men do, right?"

"Well, let's see." John narrowed his eyes. "I have free reign of what I do, I'm encouraged to unleash my full potential, I'm not held back by right and wrong, and people actually put their trust in me. I'd say that's a lot."

"Are you seriously still on about the whole 'betrayal of trust' thing? I thought you understood that it was just a misunderstanding!" Bobby exclaimed. "One little fight shouldn't have destroyed our entire friendship! Did all those years mean nothing to you?!"

"I'll have you know that those were the _best_ years of my life! And no, it wasn't one little fight! It was a number of fights that I can't even count!" John argued back. "But like everything else, it's time I need to move on with my life, and make a difference the more efficient way. You need to take a hint, and move on too."

"That's not fair! Just because you chose you had to leave, it doesn't mean I have to-"

"I didn't choose this, Bobby! I needed this; this was the direction I was headed for anyway!" John cut him off, finally yanking his arm away. "And you were doing just fine without me already. You have Rogue- you don't need me!"

"Rogue is just a friend, John." Bobby replied. John was about to blow up at him, but he continued. "We mutually broke up because we realized it wasn't working out."

"Well, good for you! I don't care!" John threw his arms up in annoyance. "You live your life the way you want, but I'm not coming back! I can't just leave my new responsibilities behind because you think I should! You don't control my life, you got that?! I never should've let you!"

"You... I was never trying to control you, John. Where on earth did you get that idea?" Bobby squinted at him in confusion. "I thought you were happy! Then you just, just changed out of nowhere! And I was trying to figure out what I did wrong, but-"

"That's a blatant lie, and you know it! Maybe after I left, you woke up and realized you messed up, but before that, you were so utterly convinced that I was the one who was wrong; that I was the one who was hurting you!" John shouted. "I was perfectly happy without you, why did you have to show up again?!"

"I- ...John. You know you don't mean that." Bobby said, trying to remain calm.

"I know I _do_ mean it! I thought maybe, I could finally just get you outta my head, but now your back!" John snarled. "I want you out of my life- I don't ever want to have to see your face ever again!"

Clearly, that stung. Bobby looked like he'd just been slapped in the face. "..." He was speechless. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?" He breathed after a moment.

"I don't- I don't hate you. I can't." John admit reluctantly. "But you make me hesitate. You are what's holding me back, and I can't live like that."

"Maybe holding back is a good thing. You can still come back; before you do something you really regret." Bobby told him gently, slowly reaching out to put his hand on John's shoulder.

John slapped his hand away before it could even come close. "You think I can still come back?" Holding out his arm to the side, hand up and pointed at the building, lighter flicked open. "How about now?"

"John, wait-!"

Too late. A huge fireball exploded from the lighter, firing into the building where they were offering the cure, shattering the windows and enveloping everything and everyone inside.

Screams rang out almost immediately after, and it was like a stampede of startled wildebeest. While Bobby was still in shock, John shoved past him, following the mob that was now running away in all directions.

Turning his ear piece back on, he spoke in a very low and angered voice. "Let's go."

"Pyro, what the hell was that?!" Cataclysm shouted at him.

"I said let's go!" He shouted back, turning the ear piece back off and putting it in his pocket instead so he wouldn't have to listen to Cataclysm yell at him. What did she know? He'd done what he had to.

Reaching the end of the road, where most people kept running, he stopped and waited for the others. He was in no mood to talk, but Mystique would get pissy with him if he just left them.

So he waited.

Not long after, Excalibur found him, and didn't seem to care whatsoever about what he'd done. He didn't speak (not that he ever did), he just waited with him for the others.

Orion joined them, too on edge to speak, and then Cataclysm found them, looking furious. John didn't even blink when she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall behind him.

"What the hell was that about?!" She demanded, glaring directly into his eyes. He stared back with a sleeping rage behind his eyes, but she wasn't worth his anger. "You could kill our fellow mutants!"

"If they were in that building, then they were traitors to our kind." John shot back. "Get your hands off me; we need to get back to base to report."

"Report what?! That you blew up a building just because they were distributing a cure!?" Cataclysm shouted. "You think Magneto or Mystique will be pleased with what you did?! Who the hell were you talking to before you tuned out, huh?!"

"That's none of your business. Now put me down. I will not tell you again." John hissed back. Cataclysm hesitated, but Orion put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a look. Reluctantly, she released him. "If you're afraid to get your hands dirty, then you don't belong in the Brotherhood."

Before she could say anything, he turned away from her and started walking away. They had a long trip ahead of them.

~

"Bobby! Are you okay?!" Kitty exclaimed when her and the rest of the X-men found him. He looked like he'd just seen a ghost. As she got closer, she could see tears in his eyes as he looked upon the burning building.

"You gotta snap out of it; you can't freeze up every time you see fire." Wolverine snarled. "John isn't here, you gotta let it go."

"He was." Bobby said in an odd tone, sending chills down everyone's spines. "He was here. He set the building on fire- I watched him do it. It's all my fault." His voice cracked on the last word.

"John's still here, we can still find him." Jean pointed out. "And we can stop him before he does something worse."

"I provoked him." Bobby continued like he hadn't heard her. "I told him he could still come back from this. He looked me in the eyes, and said 'you think I can come back? How about now?', before he-" He stopped, choking on his words.

"Bobby, this isn't your fault." Rogue assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's his. He made his choice, you've gotta move on. You aren't responsible for any of his actions."

"But it's my fault he left, isn't it? It's my fault he thinks he has to push himself away, it's my fault he's hurting the way he is, it's my fault he's no longer holding anything back. So yes, I am fully responsible for everything he does." Bobby replied, looking at her sadly.

"Then do something about it." Scott spoke up. "Find him. Bring him home. Kick his ass, if that's what it takes. Knock some sense into him. People do stupid things when they're hurting."

"They're confused, and they don't know what they should do." Storm nodded. "And then they end up doing the worst possible things they could, thinking they're right. When really, they're just trying so hard to cope. He's lost."

"He isn't alone." Jean then said. "He was here for Brotherhood business. I'm not exactly sure what for, but- oh. Oh no."

"What? What is it?" Wolverine looked over at her.

"Magneto's searching for the source of the cure, to destroy it." Jean replied. "And they might have found it."


	4. Curse From God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the Brotherhood his making their way to gather some more recruits, they set up camp uncomfortably close to John's old neighborhood. Needless to say, his imagination gets the better of him, and instead of sleeping, he burns his old house to the ground to finally put his past to rest.
> 
> And after hearing about it on the news, the X-men hurry to catch the Brotherhood before they're long gone.
> 
> (Also, they get into a snow ball fight, just because I've put too much angst into this chapter. Time for a bit of fluff, wouldn't you say?)

"A mutant, you say?" Magneto cocked an eyebrow at John. They'd gotten back that evening, after a long walk in complete silence. No one had dared speak, because they all knew the moment someone opened their mouth, an argument would break out. "Well, isn't that ironic."

"We couldn't get a location, but we do know it's a secluded island, likely overlooked by the government, and under the radar." John continued to explain. "And I doubt there are many of those out there."

"I see." Magneto nodded. "Then it appears that we'll have to perform a raid. Meaning we'll need all the help we can get. At the same time, we'll need someone to do some digging to pinpoint the location we need."

"I'll see what I can find." Mystique said.

"There were large trucks that had 'Worthington' printed on the sides." John added. "So the location to the island would likely be found in the database of their facilities."

"Look at you; talking like you've done this before." Mystique teased.

"I mean, that's the obvious conclusion. You forget that I was training to be an X-Man originally." John scoffed. "Which meant we were trained to think rationally, as well as fight."

"Cataclysm? You look like you have something you want to say." Magneto observed. John sighed, knowing exactly what was going to come out of her mouth.

"Here we go." He grumbled.

"I don't think we can trust Pyro to control his impulses on missions." She started. "He set the center that was giving out the cure on fire! He didn't even care about all the people he was going to hurt- how many mutants he could've killed!"

Mystique sighed, giving her a look of pity. "They were hardly mutants if they were in that building in the first place." She told her. "And if anything, Pyro did us a favor; we don't know how much of the cure was produced, and he could've destroyed a lot of it."

"But-"

"If you're going to fret over every time we put someone or something at risk, you can leave. Because on this mission, plenty of people are going to die." Magneto cut her off. "Sacrifice is imminent, so live with it, or get out."

Cataclysm glared at the ground. "Yes, sir." She growled reluctantly. "But I swear he's keeping secrets from us. He bumped into someone he knew, and removed his ear piece. Why would he do that if he wasn't hiding something?"

"Some things are on a personal level." John hissed at her. "And I'd like to keep them that way."

"I trust that Pyro knows what he's doing." Mystique told her. "He doesn't have to explain himself to us, or to you. I'd advise keeping out of his business." John shot her a quick grateful look with his eyes.

Cataclysm grumbled something under her breath before turning around and heading for her tent, probably to sulk. Pyro wondered why she gave a damn about what he did. She really shouldn't care so much about what he's up to.

Once the other two had gone, Mystique kept John back for a bit.

"I know it was probably nothing, and you don't want to talk about it, but," She began, glancing around nervously. "What was Cataclysm talking about? You ran into someone you knew?"

"Yeah." John sighed, running his hand through his hair subconsciously. "It was just... nothing you need to worry yourself over. I didn't tell them anything about what's going on, I just told them to leave me alone."

"What, were they trying to get you to come back?" She inquired.

"He still hasn't given up!" John finally blurted. "It annoys the shit out of me, because every time I try to move on, he always has to show his stupid face! He said I could still come back before I did something I regret. So I set the building on fire as an example that I was never going back, and nothing he ever says or does will ever change that!"

Mystique sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's because when someone makes a place in your heart, they'll always stay there. And when they're gone, there's a hole that will never be filled. You just have to learn to... adapt to it."

"I don't want to adapt to it, I want to forget him. I have to if I ever want to move forward." John persisted.

"No. You don't ever want to forget him. He was what first gave you the strength to fight for something, yes? So keep fighting." Mystique told him. "Did I ever tell you that I grew up with Charles Xavier?"

"You what?"

"Yep. He was like a brother to me." She smiled sadly. "But our lives slowly drifted onto different paths. The difference between our relationship and your relationship is that he let me go. But that doesn't mean we forgot everything we went through together. It means we cherish those memories, because that's all they are. Memories."

"I... don't understand." John frowned.

"He's trying so desperately to hold onto you because he's afraid of losing you, John." Mystique told him softly. "Can you tell me the reason you left in the first place? Why you're so insistent on forgetting him and moving on?"

John hesitated. "Because that part of my life is over. I can't focus on what I need to do if I'm constantly thinking about him, second guessing myself, and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I don't have time to think about it, I just need to push on."

"But you can't." Mystique finished. "And that's okay. It takes time to accept. You need a good distraction. So find one." She then looked up at the sky. "I won't be here for the next few days, so you'll have to figure it out on your own."

"Wait, why won't you be here?" John looked up at her.

"Magneto is sending me on a little mission to get that location we need." Mystique told him. "It's a solo mission, so don't you dare ask if you can come with me." John fidgeted a bit. He didn't like the idea of her not being there. "Don't worry, I'll be back."

"Just don't get killed." John grumbled, turning his back to her.

"God, teenagers make me feel ancient." He heard Mystique sigh behind him. He smiled a little at that. Thinking about it, she was Magneto's age right? So she was pretty ancient. He just shouldn't ever say that to her.

She'd only be gone a few days. What's the worst that could happen?

~

"God, why it so freakin' cold?!" Cataclysm complained.

The morning after Mystique had left, Magneto had told them they would be heading out to perform some more recruitment. Apparently, he knew a place that had a lot of mutants that were in a gang.

Of course, John's first thought was 'does this gang want me dead?', but after remembering that they were all mutants, he realized that couldn't be the case. After all, he hadn't met another mutant before Scott.

That he knew of, at least.

"Do you ever stop complaining?" John groaned. "It's not _that_ cold."

"You're seriously not cold? Everyone else is shivering, and some of them are wearing heavy coats!" She exclaimed. "I know you've got a reputation or whatever to keep up, but you've got to be cold."

John had no idea what she was talking about. He could see the snow falling around him, and feel the wind against his face and through his clothes, but he didn't feel cold in the slightest. In fact, it actually felt kind of refreshing.

It was true, though. Everyone else _was_ shivering, their teeth chattering, hugging themselves to try and stay warm. He just didn't seem to feel the cold anymore. Probably because he'd grown to get used to cold weather, living so close to Bobby.

He suddenly felt something hit the back of his head. It didn't hurt, but it was sudden. He felt something wet slide down his back and he shivered at the weird feeling. Turning to see what had hit him, he was met with another snowball to his face.

Using his sleeve to wipe off the snow on his face, he melted another one midair before it got close. Looking at Cataclysm in annoyance, she was laughing her ass off ten feet away from him.

For a sliver of a second, he thought of Bobby again. They used to get into snowball fights in winter. Bobby would always win after distracting him long enough to sneak up on him and dump snow down his shirt. Ah, good times.

While she was still laughing, he found himself gathering up snow in his hands, shaping it into a sphere. Smirking, he took aim, and hit her square in the jaw. The look on her face was priceless.

Her shock turned to a mischievous grin as she bent down to make another snow ball. This time, when she threw it, he ducked, and it hit someone else in the back. That person turned around in confusion, then noticed the two of them.

Frowning, that person then packed some snow together and chucked it back. Cataclysm barely sidestepped it, resulting in it hitting another person behind her in the neck.

And all hell broke loose.

Gradually, people in the group started noticing the commotion and joining in. Balls of snow were flying through the air at each other, everyone trying to dodge them and make new ones at the same time.

John never missed, even if he hit someone unintentionally. It was... fun. 

He was suddenly back at Xavier's, in a similar situation. Most of the students were outside, behind small snow forts and snow men and other things they could hide behind. They'd all formed unspoken teams, chucking snow at each other. 

Everyone was laughing and smiling, and altogether just having a good time. Obviously, John had teamed up with Bobby and Kitty as a three-person team. And they were a force to be reckoned with. Eventually, they'd gotten Piotr on their team, and together they rained terror upon the other teams.

Of course they'd had the advantage, considering their training as X-men. But no one seemed to mind that fact. Once, everyone had teamed up against the four of them. And it was a good battle, too. It had ended in a draw.

John was too busy reliving those memories to realize where his next snow ball was going. Everyone froze, stopping what they were doing as a snow ball hit Magneto right in the back of the head.

He slowly turned around, a blank expression on his face. Nobody dared move, just waiting for him to start scolding them. And they were waiting. And waiting. And waiting. But he wasn't speaking.

Instead, he was staring everyone down, which might've been worse. The suspense was killing them.

"Who threw that?" He asked finally. Everyone's eyes landed on John, who was standing with a hand over his mouth in shock. He wasn't sure why, but he started laughing, taking everyone by surprise.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just-" He cut off, his shoulders shaking with laughter. If he were asked right then, why he'd started laughing, he wouldn't be able to tell them. He wasn't sure either. But something about it, how stupid a snowball fight was, made him happy.

And Magneto smiled too. Chuckling to himself, he rolled his eyes. John noticed too late the snow ball in his hand, before it was thrown directly in his face, making him trip over his own two feet, and falling backward into the snow.

A beat of silence passed before John started laughing again, this time harder. Slowly, his laughter was joined by others. And soon, everyone was laughing for little to no reason. Maybe they were relieved that Magneto wasn't going to chew them out. Maybe they all just needed a good release of emotion.

Or maybe this was the first time any of them had even seen John smile, much less heard him laugh. It was contagious. The normally edgy and brooding kid they knew him as, was laughing for no goddamn reason.

But he didn't need a reason. For the first time in a while, he felt like a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Smiling after so long felt so good, that he couldn't stop. The feeling was amazing.

After everyone had finally calmed down, and John was back on his feet, Magneto spoke back up.

"Now that we have had that release of energy, let us continue on. We still have a ways to go." He reminded them. "No more throwing snowballs, though. Just so we are clear."

Everyone either nodded or said a word or two in agreement. And thus, they continued walking like nothing had even happened. Except that the mood of the group had brightened drastically.

And for once, John finally forgot about Bobby for that moment. He didn't think about him, he didn't even remember that he existed in that minute. Sixty-three seconds. A new record.

But of course, his memory of Bobby came back, and he wished he could've been there with him. He would've enjoyed that. They hadn't had a snowball fight in, what, four years? 'Cause they'd deemed it 'too childish' as they grew up. John sighed, remembering that. Now that he'd had another one, he realized no one could ever out grow a good snowball fight.

"Hey!" He jumped, not having noticed Cataclysm come up beside him. "I didn't even know it was possible for you to smile, much less like that! ...You should do it more often."

"Yeah, no." John chuckled. "I can't remember the last time I felt like that. Oh, wait yes I can. I think it was when Bobby had taken me ice skating-" He shut his mouth immediately. "Never mind."

Cataclysm frowned. "Come on, you can stand to talk about your past every now and then. We all do it, but you act like it's some closely guarded secret. When really, I found it's more fun to share memories than to keep them to yourself."

"I don't really like talking about it. My past is in the past, and I just need to be working on moving forward at the moment." John shrugged. He then thought about when he'd talked to Bobby about his past for the first time. The relief he'd felt when he'd gotten all of it out. "...But I guess keeping it cooped up in my head forever is a shitty way of letting it go, huh."

"That's what I was about to say." Cataclysm agreed. "So, who's this 'Bobby' character?"

John sighed. "It's... complicated. He is- was, formerly, my best friend. And the only person in the world that I actually gave a damn about." Looking down at the snow, he frowned. "But I realized that he was what was keeping me from accomplishing anything, so I left."

"Is that so? There's more to this story, I can tell." Cataclysm tried, pushing her luck.

"Be lucky I even told you that much." John told her before walking ahead. His good mood had quickly diminished, and he was back to brooding. All he hoped was that now that he'd told her even a little bit, that she wouldn't go sticking her nose in his business further.

In fact, now he felt stupid for telling her. Because in the short time he knew her, he knew that she wasn't the type to just let things go too easily. Wasn't she still mad at him for the whole building fire thing?

Wait... none of this added up. Perhaps she was over it? Finally. She was even more annoying when she was angry.

Trudging through the snow, he felt a weird pang in his chest. It was an off feeling, like something wasn't right. Looking to their left, he noticed that about forty feet from them was a highway.

Ahead of them was a staggered slope, and much farther ahead, there was a tall hill that looked like it was overlooking somewhere. Why did it seem so familiar? Had he been there before?

No, he'd never been so far from the city. Sure, it wasn't _that_ far- only a highway and two exits away. But he'd never been out here before. Had he? Trying to remember hurt his head, so he figured it probably just reminded him of somewhere in the city.

But last he checked, there were no hills in the city.

_Then maybe somewhere near Xavier's school? Yeah, maybe the road that lead away from the school. I mean there were woods on either side of that road. O-or maybe it reminds me of Alkali Lake! Yeah, the snowy hills, that strong scent of pine- that's gotta be it! Why are you so worried about this? It's fine, relax. ...your hands are shaking, make them stop before someone notices!_

Why was he so on edge? He had no reason whatsoever to be this paranoid. It wasn't like it was... was it? 

He couldn't stand his thoughts, so he marched ahead to walk beside Magneto. "Hey, where are we?" He asked. Magneto gave him a confused side-eye. "Just wondering."

"We're coming up to a town that's on the way to out destination." Magneto replied. "...Why are your hands shaking?"

"My hands are shaking? They're not shaking. What are you talking about?" John chuckled nervously, pulling his sleeves further over his hands. "It's nothing- maybe the, uh, cold is finally getting to me?"

"Just twenty minutes ago you were talking about how you didn't think it was cold. Which I guarantee had something to do with living with Bobby for so long." Magneto guessed. "What might be troubling you? Do you know where we are?"

"No, I just... I just don't like the feeling of this place." John shuddered. "I'm sure it's nothing, and I'm just being paranoid."

"What is there to be paranoid about?" Magneto inquired. "For the first time, I saw you in a good mood, and suddenly that changes. You don't get scared easily. Should I be concerned about this location?"

"I'm not scared, there's no reason to be scared!" John dismissed. _It's just a horrible gut feeling I have._ "Maybe I'm just tired. And when I was tired and living on the streets, I had to be careful about where I slept, otherwise I could die, so it's probably just a developed instinct."

"I suppose that would make sense..." Magneto nodded. "If you are certain, then you don't have anything to worry about tonight. When _was_ the last time you had slept anyway?"

"Ah..." John thought about it. "The night Mystique left for that mission."

"That was two nights ago." Magneto raised an eyebrow at him. "It is important you get your rest tonight, then. We need you at your best, which means sleep."

"Yes, sir." John sighed. He would never admit it, but he was exhausted. He really needed sleep- he could feel the bags under his eyes. Which definitely wasn't a good sign. 

He remembered the first time Bobby had found out he wasn't sleeping. It had been an accidental thing- he passed out during training one time. He thought the adrenaline would keep him going, but it only drained him faster.

He'd woken up in a hospital bed in the infirmary, or whatever they called it. Bobby had been sitting next the bed for all seventeen hours he'd been out. And the second John sat up drearily, Bobby demanded to know what had happened.

Jean told Bobby it was because he hadn't been sleeping, so Bobby spent a good minute or two scolding him on how idiotic that was, before ending the lecture by telling him _again_ that he didn't have to sleep by himself if he couldn't.

John grimaced. Yet another example of Bobby thinking he knew what was best for him. Of course, he was right on that one, but John was too bitter to admit it. Bobby really needed to start worrying more about himself than John.

Before he knew it, they had reached the top of the hill. As people started to set up the tents and a campfire, John hesitated. He could see smoke from chimneys, and lingering lights from tall homes in the distance.

If he were to stand at the edge, he would be able to see the town. There was no harm in appreciating the view. He slowly walked past the people setting up their tents and clearing the snow for a little fire pit.

Reaching the edge of the hill, it was a steep way down. So for assurance, he leaned against a nearby tree as he overlooked the town. He was getting almost painful amounts of deja vu.

And then it hit him.

He inhaled sharply, sinking his nails into the bark of the tree he was holding onto. His legs suddenly felt weak, his stomach churning as memories flashed in his head, one after the other, bombarding his head with unwanted emotions.

Dizziness made his body feel stiff and numb. If he let go of the tree now, he was certain he would topple right over the edge. He felt his throat begin to sting as his moth went dry, his breathing increasing.

He knew exactly where this was- he knew exactly what town he was overlooking. Somewhere he had vowed never to return to no matter the circumstances, and no matter the cost.

"Pyro?"

Someone put a hand on his shoulder, startling the crap out of him. He nearly tripped off the edge, had the person not caught his wrist and pulled him away from the edge before he fell.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Cataclysm frowned at him, before seeing the state he was in. "What on earth- what- what's wrong?!" John was about to answer. But physically, he couldn't.

The second he opened his mouth, he had to turn around immediately, just barely hurling over the edge in time. Coughing hurt his throat immensely, but he couldn't stop. It was like he was suffocating on air.

"Oh my god- help!" Cataclysm called behind her. He had fallen to his knees, hunched over to try and hide the panicked tears sliding down his cheeks. "I-I don't know what's wrong, but I think he's having a panic attack!"

John looked up over the edge at the town below. He was back to where all his trauma had started.

His old neighborhood.

~

His dreams that night had been filled with nothing other than his family, and the abuse and torment they'd subjected him to. He was trapped again, with no way out. He'd scream for help, but no one could hear him. No one would even care.

He woken up screaming that night. Of course, he'd immediately smothered his cries in his hands before anyone heard him. The last thing he needed was someone in the Brotherhood acting like they cared what was going on in his head.

The darkness terrified him- when he stared at the entrance of the tent, which was zipped shut, he thought he saw his families silhouettes lurking outside like monsters. 

Even though he knew it was just his brain playing tricks on him, there was no way in hell he was going back to sleep. And it was still pitch black out there. Flicking open his lighter, he tried to calm himself down.

But everything had him on edge. The smallest sounds, the tiniest movements, the goosebumps forming on his skin, even the hair on the back of his neck rising- everything.

He couldn't stand the thought of something could come out of nowhere to kill him. Thinking there was something out there, lying in wait for him to make the wrong move. 

Finally completely fed up, he shut the cap of his lighter with a _snap_ sound. He was going to get up and do something about his fears. He knew he had to go down there, to see what the place had become.

Unzipping the tent, he quietly made his way out, zipping it shut again behind him. _Curiosity killed the cat._ Rang through his head in Bobby's voice. He used to tell him that when he was thinking of doing something stupid, with the excuse, 'I'm curious'.

Curiosity typically did end up getting him into trouble. But he had to do this. He had to go back to the place he said he'd never go back to. What if he saw them again? His parents? His sister? What would he do? What would he say?

Yeah, if he saw them, he was certain the first thing he'd do would be set them on fire and watch them burn as they begged for their lives. Blinking that thought out of his head, he shuddered.

That wasn't who he was. He wasn't some murderer, right? Sure, what they did was beyond shitty, but he could never go through with killing someone... just the thought made him cold.

All the tents were dark. No one was awake, he was certain. No one would notice if he went down there for a little bit. He'd be down and back before anyone knew he was gone.

Careful with every step, his shoes made too much noise. Pulling off his shoes and socks, he left them at the entrance of his tent. He felt more connected to his surroundings when he was bare foot anyway.

As he felt his way away from the campsite with bare feet, the light snow and dirt under his toes felt all too familiar. He liked it. Back at Xavier's, he'd jump at any chance to not wear shoes. It made him feel more free.

Finding his way to a safer path down the steep hill, John made sure to use branches and trees as a railing so he wouldn't stumble or fall. The trail would lead down between two fences, both surrounding two separate properties.

Remembering it had been almost ten years since he'd last been in this town, he considered that his old family could've moved. His old house could've been easily demolished.

_Good. If it was demolished, I can go back knowing my past will never find me here. Even if I wasn't the one to bring it down._ He thought to himself. _God, what am I doing? I should just go back to bed- I need sleep._

But he kept walking. The trail eventually came to a rather steep part, where he had to slowly scoot himself down if he didn't want to end up breaking something. It felt odd, what he was doing. What even _was_ he doing?

Reaching the bottom, he stood up and brushed himself off. Looking up, he noticed how bright the stars were. Somehow, he could bring himself to smile. Kitty had gone through a phase where she had been obsessed- _obsessed_ \- with astrology. He'd grown to appreciate the stars with her.

When he hadn't been getting into trouble with Bobby, he would sometimes go listen to what Kitty had recently learned about the stars. He'd watched her chart maps of the stars, connect the constellations, come up with horrible zodiac jokes.

So he could say he knew a thing or two about the stars. Not that any of it mattered at the moment. Geez, his mind had a real way of changing the subject. But it made him realize something.

He'd been so focused on trying to forget Bobby, that he didn't even consider the impact that Kitty had on his life as well. Honestly, he could say that she was the only other person he truly considered to be a friend. And now he was leaving her behind too. He briefly wondered how she was taking his choice.

Shaking it off, he forced himself to focus on the there and then. Taking a deep breath, he walked through the narrow gap between the fencing towards the sidewalk. His old home was about a ten minute walk from where he was currently.

He knew because he could see the metal fencing on either side of the road that led to his old school. And he knew the way from there to his house by heart. Considering he didn't have to pay attention to where he was going while he walked.

He'd never liked the anticipation of going home. Of walking into their driveway, of the pain that was waiting behind that door for him. So he used to distract himself by taking in the scenery. Even if it was a dull town, there were those sparks of beauty in nature.

The variety of colors the leaves could be, from green all the way to red. He liked going over the science of the colors in his head. After all, green was just blue and yellow. And that meant that for it to get to orange, blue had to be replaced with red somehow. And the red would eventually overtake the yellow for the leave itself to become red.

He liked distracting himself with menial things like that. In fact, he used to dream about being a biologist just so he could find out all about the science of plants. But that's all it was. A dream.

Where he had been, he never could've pursued that dream. And where he was now, he didn't really want to anymore. He could do so much more for the world where he was than as some mediocre biologist. 

Once again, he had to force himself to focus. Those days were over. And he would never have to think about it again once he got this night over with. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but whatever it was, he wanted to put his past to rest once and for all.

And he would make sure he'd never have to think about it again.

Walking down the sidewalk, still barefooted, he hardly even noticed how numb his feet were. He barely ever registered the cold before it made him numb. He couldn't bring himself to care if he tried.

The cap of his lighter was flicking open and closed by his subconscious thumb. He wasn't sure if he was ready for this. But it was the only chance he was ever going to let himself have. Because after this night, he was never returning.

And there it was. He turned the corner, and looked down a few houses, to see that old house still standing. He inhaled sharply, clutching his lighter tightly in his fist, knuckles going white.

He _had_ to do this. To get it over with. Walking up the driveway in complete silence, he hoped they still hid the spare key where they used to. Only one way to find out, really.

On the porch now, he reached into the porch light and- yup- there was the spare key. He hesitated, holding the key in his trembling hand in front of the keyhole. Was this really going to be worth it?

Shutting his eyes, he shoved the key into the hole and twisted it, hearing the click as the door unlocked. Silently, he turned the door handle and pushed it open. All the lights were out inside.

The smell was the same as he'd remembered; it was as if nothing had changed. The only light was from the fire in the fireplace. Looking over at the fireplace, he thought he saw a child sitting in front of there, scrawny and crying.

Rubbing his eyes, no one was there. His chest felt tight, like he couldn't breathe anymore. Clutching the fabric of his shirt over his chest, he tried to breathe shallow breaths, but even that wasn't working.

He stumbled back against the wall, making a small thud sound. He felt so tiny all of a sudden, so insignificant. His body ached for no reason, his legs trembled under him, weakening.

This was a bad idea. A horrible, terrible idea. He shouldn't have come here; he should never have come back! But... he couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?! He had to get out of there, but it was like he was paralyzed.

This place housed the majority of his childhood trauma, and simply being there had it all swirling around in his head. How helpless and useless he had been. How he'd considered suicide too many times to count. How he'd look out the window and dream of escaping.

He was snapped from his thoughts when he heard footsteps on the floor above him. His heart began to pound loudly in his chest, rapidly increasing it's pace. He was sure he might have a heart attack.

How could they have heard of him? His blood went cold as he heard the stairs creak across the room. "Dad? Is that you?" Of course it was his sister. Say, she was old enough to have moved out- what was she doing there?

She had a flashlight in hand, pointed down the stairs. He had to hide, he had to move, he had to- too late. He saw her silhouette on the stairs, just before the shine of the flashlight landed on him. 

He was shaking so badly, he wasn't sure how he was standing. She screamed and raced back up the stairs, dropping the flashlight down the stairs. He could hear her crying for mom and dad. If they all came downstairs, his life was likely over.

But he still couldn't move. He should've gotten out of there already; turned around and never look back. Yet it was as if his feet were glued to the floor, keeping him from moving.

Three people came down the stairs, his father in front with a bat clenched in his hands. His mother had another flashlight pointed at him as his sister was crying in fear. An intruder couldn't be _that_ scary. Especially one shaking like he was.

"Who are you!? What do you want?!" His father demanded. John flinched, his instinct to curl into a ball. Instead, he tried to speak.

"You never did speak to me like a human." He grit his teeth. "I was always seen as a monster in your eyes. Well, I hadn't asked to be born." 

His father's grip on the bat loosened enough for it to fall out of his hands. "...John?"

"Wow, that might be the first time I have ever heard you call me by my actual name." John chuckled bitterly. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Ten years. And in that time, I grew up. No thanks to you."

"Y-you're dead!" His mother exclaimed. "You have some nerve coming back after what you did! We searched for you- we couldn't let a monster like you roam the streets free!"

"You're damn right about one thing." John felt his inner rage take over his fear. "I'm not human. I'm not a disgusting, pitiful human like you. I'm better." He emphasized better by flicking open the cap of his lighter.

"What are you going to do? Cry like you always did?" His sister taunted. His fire flared, startling his old family. "H-how did you-"

"Congratulations. You gave birth to a mutant." He smirked, the fire brightening up the already dimly lit room. "I was given the ability to manipulate fire. And all my life, I've been dying to send you to hell with it."

"Get out!" His father barked. "You're not welcome here, demon!" He held up a necklace with a cross on it. John almost laughed. Pathetic. "Get out now, and we'll never have to see one another again!"

"Oh, we're going to see each other again alright." John hissed. "In hell." Without warning, like he was releasing all of his pent up anger, the fire engulfed the room. He heard his family scream as he made his way out the door.

The fire quickly engulfed the entire house in a bright orange flame. Turning around at the end of the driveway, he watched it with satisfaction. Honestly, he'd expected there to be a bit more drama.

Until he felt something wet slide down his cheek.

_What?_ He touched his face in confusion. Why was he crying? What was there to cry about? Finally, he was getting rid of his past, letting it burn along with all those shitty memories of his childhood.

Yet he was crying. And he couldn't stop crying. The tears flooded his vision, and he was suddenly on his knees, bent over with his forehead on the pavement. He sobbed, and he didn't know why.

All this release of emotion, his rage, his bitterness, his pain- it all came out. Throwing his head back, he let out an enraged cry into the night sky, echoing in the silence.

Burying his face into his sleeves, his shoulders trembled with his hiccups as he cried. It was all over now. He saw the flames of the house turn blue, which had only happened once before.

And now it was burning down the same thing that had triggered the last release of this blue heat. The smoke rose into the sky with small embers, and it was almost beautiful. The more he stared at it, the more he began to calm down.

It was finally, _finally_ over. He'd heard being burned alive was one of the most painful ways to die. Now they got a taste of the pain they'd inflicted on him. But there was a weird feeling in his chest, the longer he stared.

Almost like... guilt. Or regret. Bobby came to mind, and he could see that horror on his face that he'd seen on his porch when John was fending off those cops. That look of horror that he got every time John unleashed his true power.

That just angered him more. If he was afraid of his power, no wonder he was trying to hold him back. But finally, John felt like everything Magneto told him he was. A god among insects!

Sirens interrupted his thoughts, and he realized firetrucks were on their way. He had to get out of there before they arrived. Rising to his feet, he began to sprint down the sidewalk as fast as his legs could carry him.

The sirens grew louder, getting more of that adrenaline pumping. But as he got further down the street, they began to fade into the background. They weren't after him. They'd never find him.

He had a ten minute walk, but with how fast he was running, he got there in five. That space between the two fences. He had to get through there. Then they would never, ever find him.

Squeezing through, he stopped to catch his breath. Now he had a steep hill to climb back up, and he wasn't sure he had the energy. But he had to, before morning. Which, by the color of the sky, wasn't all that far away.

Great. Yet another sleepless night for him. At least the others wouldn't know what he did. Nor would they ever. He doubted that they'd care either way, since it was justified in his mind.

Magneto would understand. Cataclysm, not so much, but since when did he care what she thought? She was a whiny baby, despite being older than him by a number of years.

Finally being able to breathe again, he started to make his way back up. Grabbing the nearest branch, he began to pull himself up the steepest part of the hill, bit by bit.

_See? Down and back without anyone noticing I'm gone._

~The Next Morning~

Bobby yawned wide, stretching his arms in the air. It was still somewhat dark outside, but now that he was up, there was no point in going back to sleep. He had to be up in a few more hours anyway.

Scooting out of bed, his toes touched the hardwood floor before he placed his whole foot on the floor. He sat there for a moment, breathing in that morning smell. Ah, mornings.

Flopping backwards, back onto the bed, he stared up at the dark ceiling. He still wasn't used to John not barging through his door in the morning, telling him to get his lazy ass out of bed.

Sure, that wasn't _every_ morning, and he never thought he'd miss it, but... he did. _Great, start the morning off by thinking about John. Good way to be mopey the rest of the day._

Bobby sighed, rolling backwards off the other side of his bed and onto his feet. He stretched again, another short yawn making it's way out of his mouth. Getting his sweatshirt off the end of his bed, he pulled it on over his pajamas and started making his way to the door.

The sweatshirt wasn't technically his, but John wasn't going to use it now, was he. _It still smells like him._ Bobby shook his head to get that thought out of his head. _No, you're going to stop that train of thought right now. Where'll it get you? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere._

Opening the door, the hallway was quiet. As it usually was that early in the morning. Walking out into the hallway, he took another deep breath of that signature smell. _Of John- Goddammit, stop thinking about him already!_

He began his short journey down the hall towards the elevator, since he didn't particularly feel like taking the stairs. Pressing the button groggily, he was still blinking residual drowsiness out of him.

Entering the elevator, he leaned against the back with another sigh. What was he doing up? Half of him wanted to just go back to bed. It was too early for him to be awake anyway.

He stopped the elevator door before it closed, and got back out. He didn't need to be downstairs right away. Besides, there was something he'd been meaning to do for a while now.

Walking past his own dorm, he turned down another hallway for John's dorm instead. No one had been in there since he'd left, including him. He figured he might be in a good enough place to finally go back into that room.

Hesitating in front of the door, he wondered if he really was ready to go in that room. It had been weeks since he was last in there, and now might be a bad time to do it again.

Finally deciding to get it over, he shut his eyes tightly before turning the doorknob and pushing the door open. Opening his eyes, he inhaled the ever-lasting smell. It looked like it had just been used, considering the bed was in disarray.

Then again, he _had_ left in a hurry, since the last time John was in there was during the attack on the school. Closing the door behind him, he thought he caught a glimpse of someone sitting lazily on the bed out of the corner of his eye.

Whipping around, no one was there. He huffed, hugging himself a little. _John's not here anymore. Stop hoping he'll be here, and it was all just a bad dream._ Bobby scolded himself.

Cautiously walking over to the bed, he carefully took a seat. Of course it was cold since no one had been there, but that just made everything more real. Furrowing his eyebrows in annoyance, he looked up from his lap, over at the closet.

That closet used to be empty, but held so many memories of them from over the years. Bobby smiled, remembering the time Kitty had forced the two of them to go with her to the mall so she could pick out a dress for a school dance.

She'd also forced John to get his first formal wear, which he hated wearing because he 'felt like some rich snob', as he put it. But Kitty insisted that he couldn't go to a dance wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.

Bobby laughed out loud on accident, quickly stopping himself before anyone heard. Getting off the bed, he walked over to the closet, sliding it open. As expected, his dress shirt, black blazer, and dress pants were all hanging on clothing hangers, untouched for a little over a year now.

Mostly, though, the articles of clothing hanging up where different sweatshirts and jackets, because he was a sucker for cozy things. Bobby had pieced together that they made him feel safe when he wore them.

Catching his eye, Bobby noticed two separate sweatshirts folded neatly on two stacked (and mostly empty) boxes. Unfolding them and holding them up, he nearly bust out laughing.

Those two sweatshirts were his. He'd wondered where they'd gone. A smile tugged at his lips as he realized John probably never had any intention on giving them back. _Little thief._

Folding them back up, he put them back where he found them, feeling no need to take them back. Closing the closet behind him, he wondered if it was an invasion of privacy, going through John's room.

That thought easily slipped out of his mind when something else caught his eye. It was a little box, plugged into the wall, under his bedside table. It was an odd little contraption, he wondered what it was, and where John had gotten it.

Sitting back down on the bed, he lifted the box onto the bedside table, pressing a button, which allowed him to open the top of the box. His fingers were met with cool air as they rested atop the box.

_A cooling box thing? What would John need this for? And how come I've never known about it until now?_ Bobby thought to himself, peering inside. There was something in there.

Reaching inside, his hands wrapped around an object that felt like ice. It felt... familiar, somehow. Lifting it out of the box, he nearly dropped it in shock. He knew _exactly_ what this was.

An ice rose.

The same one Bobby had made for him on the first day that John had been at the mansion. The first gift Bobby- or anyone, for that matter- had given him. Staring at it, he was surprised he'd managed to keep it this long.

As Bobby recalled that day, he felt himself begin to tear up a little. Taking a deep breath, he stopped himself before he could cry. There was nothing to cry about. Even though John had kept it, the symbol of the beginning of their blooming friendship.

A friendship that was as good as over if Bobby couldn't get John back. Frowning, he stared at the ice so hard, he could see his reflection. _God, I look like a mess in the morning._ He observed.

Observing his reflection, the thought he saw someone behind him. Immediately turning around, once again, no one was there. John wasn't there. Exhaling in relief, Bobby returned his attention to the ice sculpture in his hands.

The door suddenly burst open, and Bobby actually shrieked, he was startled so bad. He'd almost dropped the rose again, but was able to catch it and put it back in it's ice box before whoever was at the door could see.

"THERE you are!" Kitty exclaimed. "...What were you doing in here?"

"N-nothing." Bobby stammered, trying to shield the box from her view without looking suspicious.

"Whatever, that's not important." Kitty waved dismissively as she hurried to his side. Grabbing his wrist and pulling him up, she began dragging him out the door. "You have to come see this!"

"Wait, what are you doing up? What time is it?" Bobby asked.

"Like, seven in the morning. What do you mean, 'what am I doing up'?" Kitty cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I was in there for _two hours_?!" Bobby realized. "Wow, it felt like ten minutes."

"We get it, you're obsessed with him." Kitty said, still dragging him down the hall, making a beeline for the stairs. "But speaking of John, you'll never guess what just popped up on the news!"

"What are you-" When she dragged him into the living room, the moment he saw _Allerdyce_ on the tv, he knew. "-talking about..." Kitty finally released him so he could read the caption.

' _Allerdyce family victims of heartless arson attack'_. The news woman was talking, and he turned up the sound with the tv remote. "--leaving two injured and one in critical condition, we have yet to identify the perpetrator."

The cameras went to two women, one of them looking to be in her fifties, and the other in her twenties. The younger was sobbing with a blanket around her, her face covered in ash.

"Did you see who started the fire?" The newswoman asked.

"Yes. My daughter saw him first." The older woman told them. "She ran up the stairs screaming for us because she saw him in the house. When we went to confront this intruder, we saw he was just a seventeen year old boy."

"And how are you so certain about his age?" 

"Because he's my brother." The daughter muttered through her sobs.

"What?"

"Ah- no." The mother quickly shut that down, giving her daughter a stern look. "He wasn't my son- he's a monster. You could see it in his eyes- the eyes of some kind of demon! He held up a lighter, and suddenly there were flames everywhere-"

"The fire... turned blue!" The daughter cried, her eyes wide in fear. "It was as if he was _controlling_ it! He's a dirty, horrid mutant is what he was!" She spat the word mutant with an intense hatred.

"We were lucky my husband shielded us from the flames, getting us out as fast as he could." The mother went on. "I just hope he recovers, I don't know what I'd do without him."

Bobby had heard enough, storming back out of the room past Kitty. "H-hey! I know it's a shock, but try to calm down-"

"Those people deserved what he did, after everything they put him through!" Bobby turned on her, his eyes burning with anger. "But the public will only see them as victims, and now John's the bad guy! You heard her, she called him a demon!"

"Bobby, try to take a deep breath-"

"No, Kitty! I won't!" He barked at her, turning back around. "I'm not going to stand here, and leave that be; we have a real lead as to where he is!"

"But-"

"Best to get geared up, because I'm getting the rest of the X-men."


	5. Confrontation Gone South

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The X-men find John by himself somewhere close to his childhood town, and Bobby attempts to talk some sense into him. The thing is, something about John seems... off.

They were all gathered in the X-jet, flying above the clouds to avoid attention. They were on their way to John's last known whereabouts in hopes to catch him before he was gone.

Wolverine had been verbally doubtful that they could get there before the Brotherhood moved on, but Bobby had shut him down so quickly, no one dared say anything else regarding the likeliness of John still being there.

Bobby tried to focus on the scenery outside the window, but he couldn't stop going over what he was going to John when he saw him in his head. He had to have something prepared, because he was sure that once he saw him, he wouldn't know what to say.

There were a million ways the conversation could start, and even more ways that it could end. What could he say to convince him to change his mind? Bobby hadn't even figured out everything he'd done wrong yet.

It had to be perfect, because even the littlest mistake could make this all for naught. But just the thought that he might see John again had his stomach in knots. To say he was nervous was an understatement.

Though he wouldn't admit it, he was terrified. The last time he'd seen him, it'd been so sudden and unexpected, he'd screwed up badly. Now, he had a second chance; but what if he messed that up too?

He didn't even realize he was chewing his nails anxiously until Kitty took his hands in hers, away from his mouth. "Somebody's nervous." She teased in a soft voice. She only spoke like that when she felt she needed to calm the other person. "Wanna tell me what's going through your head?"

"It's just..." Bobby glanced back out the window, as if scouring the clouds for words. "What if I screw this up too? When I see him now, I don't know what to say to him that won't make him upset. I want to help him so badly, but how do I help someone that doesn't want my help?"

"Ooh, tough question." Kitty bit her lip, deep in thought. "Well, communication is the key to any healthy relationship, so you need to communicate your feelings to him. And then maybe, hopefully, it'll get him to talk to you in return."

"I already tried telling him how I-"

"No, you might think you did, but I know you." Kitty cut him off. "You might think you communicated _your_ feelings, when you really just told him what you thought was best for him. Which is part of why he left in the first place."

Bobby looked down at his hands in hers to avoid her intense gaze. He knew she was right, of course, but it still hurt. "I don't mean to act like that. I don't mean to tell him what he should do with his life."

"That's the thing, Bobby. You can't tell him what to do. It only provokes him." Kitty pointed out. "He's his own person, who makes his own decisions, because he was always told what to do and how to do it all the time. And even if you aren't as extreme as his parents, you're doing a more humane version of what they did."

Lifting his head to look back at her, his hands were trembling ever so slightly.

"Instead of talking to him like a child, talk to him like an adult, contributing more of your feelings towards him, rather than about him." Kitty tried to explain. "He'll be more inclined to listen if you sympathize with him instead of at him."

"He'd kill me if I was giving him my sympathy." Bobby pointed out, to which Kitty laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose that's right. But only if he realizes it. If he's too caught up in you blatant honesty, it'll be easier to talk to him as a friend rather than an enemy." She shrugged. "I give good advice, so I'd take it if I were you."

Still staring out the window, he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. A small reassured smile appeared on his face. "Thanks, Kitty. I needed that." He thanked her. "It _is_ good advice."

"Yeah, well. I _did_ grow up learning from Jean." Kitty chuckled. "A little one-on-one therapy training with a mind reader makes you really good at picking up on little hints. I like being someone others can rely on, y'know?"

"I get that." Bobby nodded. "Even if I'm not very good at it. It's the thought that counts, right?"

"I dunno, you _used_ to be good at it." Kitty shrugged. "After all, John used to go to you about everything, so you couldn't have been as horrible at it as you are now, am I right?" Bobby grimaced. "Too soon?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

An awkward pause conspired between the two of them. They tried not to look at each other out of sheer awkwardness. It was the little things that could turn a whole conversation upside down.

"We're approaching his last known location." Storm called back. "So buckle up, because we're heading down." Buckling their seat belts, Bobby's stomach dropped as they begin to descend. God, he hated heights.

Shutting his eyes helped him a little, though he couldn't help but grip the sides of his seat tightly in an attempt to ground himself. The absence of a snarky comment on his reaction only made him feel worse. Because John would never miss a chance like this.

"AH!" Storm exclaimed right before the jet turned sideways, doing a short barrel roll in the air. The way his stomach churned, his throat beginning to burn, he knew he was about to throw up. "Sorry, I almost hit a flock of birds- everyone okay?"

"No." Bobby managed to say before clamping his hands over his mouth to keep himself from throwing up on the floor. Kitty picked her feet up off the floor and onto her chair, a slightly disgusted look on her face. "Can we not do that again?"

"Yeah, sure. Sorry, Bobby." Storm apologized, trying to make the ride down a little more smooth. "I know you've never been too good about flying, or heights. Can someone get him a bucket or something before he pukes on the floor? I am _not_ cleaning that up."

The rest of the descent wasn't nearly as bad. He was just relieved when they touched down in a small clearing in the woods, not too close to the town. His stomach quickly settled, and he was just glad nothing ended up coming up.

When the ramp was down, Bobby was the first one out, followed quickly by the rest of them. "So, how exactly do we plan on finding them?" Piotr pointed out, looking around at the seemingly endless trees. "Searching the forest wold take too long."

Scott glanced over at Jean, who had her eyes closed in concentration. Her arms were slightly outstretched like wings, her hands feeling the air. "Do you sense something?" He asked.

"Yes," She replied, still concentrating. "But... that's odd. I only sense a single person, about five hundred meters northeast of our position, less than half a mile. It's as if they're looking for something."

"We shouldn't waste any time- let's go." Bobby urged them, already heading in the direction she was indicating. Wolverine, Kitty, Storm, Piotr, and Rogue were quick to follow.

"I'll stay at the jet. My head feels a little light." Jean said.

"I'll stay with her." Scott immediately volunteered. "Even if it _is_ John, I doubt he'd want me to be one of the first people he sees..." Jean put a hand on his shoulder, a look of understanding in her eyes.

"Great, that's fine." Bobby dismissed, already a good ways away. Wolverine hesitated, but continued to follow the group anyway.

"Is that such a good idea? She's the one who can sense their position; how will we find them without her?" Wolverine pointed out. Storm rolled her eyes, which were slowly whitening over.

"I can feel them with the wind." She replied. "Jean will be fine with Scott, Logan. Right now, we need to be worrying about John. Or whoever else it might be." Wolverine nodded, glancing one last time over his shoulder.

Somehow, when Storm looked ahead of them again, Bobby was about twenty feet ahead of all of them, with Kitty and Rogue about five feet behind him. She sighed, knowing what seeing John again meant to, well, at least Bobby and Kitty. But she didn't need them getting lost.

"Guys, slow down! You're going to fast." Storm called out to them.

"How about you speed up, slowpokes!" Kitty called back. Bobby didn't even seem to have heard them. "John's certainly not slowing down; if we want to catch up to him, then we need to pick up the pace!" She then sped up to catch up to Bobby, followed by Rogue.

"Ugh, why did they need to be such a rambunctious group of teenagers?" Storm grumbled under her breath, quickening her pace. Piotr and Wolverine were faster to catch up with the younger ones, since Storm also had to focus on things moving through the wind so she could pinpoint the person they were chasing.

Jean was right. They were searching for something. But what were they looking for? Or were they looking for some _one_? Perhaps they weren't even John, or a member of the Brotherhood. They could just be some random person exploring the woods.

But if there was even a chance that it was John, she'd keep going. And she didn't have much of a choice. She smiled as she noticed Bobby was so much farther up the hill than the rest of them. He was determined to find him. John had no idea how lucky he really was.

He was already at the top of the hill. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed the rest of them were behind. Rolling his eyes, he started to walk backwards, keeping an eye on them.

Not looking where he was going, he tripped over the root of a tree that just so happened to be behind him. Yelping in surprise, he was sent tumbling backwards down the other side of the hill.

"Bobby!" Rogue cried, racing to the top of the hill to watch him rolling painfully down the hill. "Are you okay?!"

Once he finally came to a stop, he looked up at her with an annoyed expression. "Do I _look_ okay?" Kitty came up beside Rogue.

"He's fine." She dismissed, walking down the hill normally. "With the noise you just made going down the hill, I doubt John isn't aware we're here." She added, offering him a hand.

"Ha ha, very funny." Bobby grumbled, taking her hand and hoisting himself to his feet. "We gotta keep moving, then. I'm not losing him again." He was already back to walking off.

"He's at the top of this next hill." Storm told him, catching up along with Wolverine and Piotr. "Prepare yourself, just in case it isn't him." She paused, sniffing the air. "I smell smoke."

Indeed, there was a small cloud of smoke rising from the top of the hill, probably from something like a campfire. "Why would he be alone?" Piotr pointed out. "Did the Brotherhood just ditch him because he was a danger to their cover?"

"Or maybe he had a secondary mission? The rest of the Brotherhood could never have even been here." Wolverine added. "It could just be him, all alone out here. Which is good for us."

Bobby was already halfway up the hill. "Well then, quit stalling and hurry up!" He hissed at them. "This is a chance I don't plan on wasting." He noticed Kitty frown behind him before he turned back towards the top of the hill.

Determination already filled him, though he felt his nerves beginning to reach their limit. He wouldn't admit it; he was terrified. Would the John he saw today be the same John he knew? Or was that John gone forever?

_No, he's still there. He has to be._ Bobby told himself. He ran the rest of the way up the hill, his heart pumping with adrenaline. But the moment he reached the top, there was nothing there.

No one was there.

Except... that campfire. Approaching the makeshift fireplace, he noticed that the coals were still hot. Standing back up, he knew John had to be close. Turning back around to see if the others had caught up-

Someone's fist collided with his face, knocking him back, onto the hot coals. He almost screamed in pain, but bit his tongue, kicking his assailant in the knee before rolling sideways onto his feet.

Ready to fight, he finally registered the face of his attacker, and relaxed. "John?" He smiled.

"Wow, you're happy for someone who just got punched in the face." He furrowed his brows in confusion. "I'm going to say this once, and once only. Stop, searching for me."

Bobby opened his mouth to protest, until someone suddenly tackled John to the ground, pinning him below them. "Guess you were right all along." Wolverine scoffed, keeping a firm grip on John's wrists. "Didn't think he was dumb enough to stay behind."

Somehow, John used his whole body to flip Wolverine onto his back, using his own leg to put Wolverine's in a lock, pulling it painfully to a point where it might break. _Where did he learn to do that?!_ Bobby thought, before realizing he should help.

Shooting a blast of ice at John, he knocked him off Wolverine and successfully froze him to the ground. "John, we're not here to fight you!" He cried. "We're here to bring you home."

"Fat chance, frosty." John hissed, breaking free of the ice. He then noticed the rest of the group coming up the hill. "Oh, fabulous. You brought reinforcements because you knew there was no way I was going with you willingly."

"John!" Kitty exclaimed, attempting to tackle him with a bear hug. He ducked, and she went sailing over him. While he was temporarily off-balance, Bobby froze his right wrist to a tree next him. He then froze the other wrist at his side.

Apparently, John gave up. "Alright, I was bored anyway. Fire away." He sighed, staring, unamused, at Bobby. Bobby opened and closed his mouth a few times, forgetting everything he'd prepared to say. "Oh, for god's sake- just spit it out!"

That startled him. He could see the anger in his eyes, but he had no idea what he had to be so pissed about. "...What are you doing?" He asked finally. The question seemed to confuse John. "Why are you here? Without the Brotherhood?"

"I don't believe that's any of your business." John snarled.

"You made it my business when you set fire to your old home." Bobby replied. Though, John seemed a little taken aback. "It was all over the news; what did you expect? To the public, you set an innocent family's house on fire!"

"They were anything _but_ innocent, Bobby! You of all people should know that!" John spat at him. "You're lucky I didn't just kill them when I had the chance!"

"Because you couldn't." Bobby pointed out. "John, I know you. You're not a killer- if you had the choice, you wouldn't willingly hurt someone! When you told me about how they treated you like shit, you also told me that talking about it helped take a weight off your shoulders. You told me you could move past it."

"That's what you wanted to hear." John shrugged. "I've gotten pretty good at saying what you want me to say by now. Well, I'm sick of it. Are we done now? I've got places to be."

Bobby frowned at him. "I can't accept that answer, because I know you're better than that. I know that you're hurt, but I don't want you doing anything else you might regret."

"Here we go again. Pretending that you care about me," John rolled his eyes. "When just beneath the surface, you're convinced that you're above me."

"Above- where did you get _that_ idea? If anything, I put you above me!" Bobby protested. "If you'll recall, I was never one for doing things half-assed. And this isn't any different. You can still come back from this, if you'd let us-"

"Hold on a tick." John cut him off, snickering. "You think you're, what, some kind of hero?" He then looked at the rest of the group and smirked, taking on a patronizing tone. "And they'll tell you that you are. So stoic and handsome~ Like you've come that far."

That tone flustered Bobby for some reason. "What about you, huh? You seem so convinced that you're too far gone, like you're some kind of villain! But I know you're not. Under all this... angst and-and anger, you're still the same John I met that day, seven years ago."

"Oh? If that's so, what about that lonely little boy? You know, the one who's monsters prevailed, despite all that so-called effort you put in." John hissed. "If you cared nearly as much as you think you did, maybe my mental stability wouldn't be so questionable."

"Wow, he just dissed himself." Kitty snickered.

"What about us, then?" Bobby inquired. "I recognize that you're upset about your family; I know they did... horrible things to you, but burning them alive isn't getting justice! Trust me, please believe me, none of this will stop the hurt for long."

"You know nothing of me." John scoffed. "As I recall, that was you're whole problem. Having this- this superiority complex, thinking you knew best, and I couldn't think for myself, like I was some kind of object!"

"And you're not willing to let me make it up to you? It doesn't need to end like this. You can't look me in the eyes and tell me you're over it." Bobby countered. "I can make this right, we can-"

"Oh, geez, spare me the hero complex, will you?" John cut him off again. "I know that, at least, most of _them_ think of me as the villain. But that's all well and good, except that you 'heroes' are so entitled, that you think you have to be right. Ever stop to think that maybe, you can still be wrong?"

"You call yourself a villain, but we both know it's a disguise." Bobby argued. "You need to stop thinking it's all two-sided. There's more to this world than good and bad; you know that!"

"Really? You make it kind of hard, the way you all act about the Brotherhood." John growled. "You're the ones who seem to be convinced that it's all black and white."

"You were the first one to tell me the truth about the world we live in. 'It's not a fair world, but someone needs to make it right', remember?" Bobby reminded him. "It was the whole reason you became an X-men."

"There you go again, using my own words against me." John sighed. "Once again, you're turning me into the bad guy. Nothing seems to have really changed."

"Come on, you know that's not true." Bobby frowned. "I'm just trying to help you. Why won't you let me help you?"

"You are not my hero!" John finally snapped. "You don't know how it felt, so stop acting like you understand me, or like you give a shit about what I do with my life! I'm just trying to move on, but I can't do that if you're going to be a persistent little pest!"

Bobby flinched, like he'd just been slapped. His eyes softened. "You are not the villain." He said, looking down at his hand, his tone softening out to almost a whisper. "You once held my hand."

That one seemed to hit a little too close to home for John. "I've entertained this enough." He decided after a second. "I should've known all you had to say was a waste of time."

"Well, Bobby, you tried." Wolverine sighed. "Why didn't we just haul him over our shoulders and go? You're making it seem like he has a choice."

"Yeah, I'm with Wolverine on this one." Piotr pitched in. "Not saying your speech wasn't heartwarming, it's just that we don't want to have the X-jet out in the open like that, y'know? We should just go."

"You never could take no for an answer, huh, Logan." John sighed, suddenly wrenching his wrists free of the ice. "And still you just couldn't get Jean to choose you over Scott."

Wolverine's eye twitched. "You don't mind if I give him a few bruises for that, do you?" He wasn't really asking as he started marching towards John, who stared back at him innocently.

"Yes, we mind!" Rogue exclaimed, blocking his way. "What, you think hitting him is going to make him like us very much?"

"Maybe knocking some sense into him will." Wolverine shrugged, easily moving past her.

"Adorable that you think you can lay a claw on me." John taunted. Something Bobby only just noticed... he never brought out his lighter. He found that extremely odd.

"Set things on fire and run." Bobby said out loud. Everyone looked at him in confusion. "That's you're usual tactic when you're cornered. Funny; not once have we even seen that lighter today. Did you lose it?"

John suddenly tensed up a little. "Right... I don't need it to take each and every one of you losers down. Sure, it'd be easier, but where's the fun in that?" He played it off. But it was at that moment that Bobby realized something was off.

Freezing his feet to the ground, John glanced down, realizing he couldn't move. Bobby began to walk towards him, a neutral expression on his face. Grabbing John's wrist, he pushed back his sleeve.

His wrists were clean. "No scars... you're not even John." Bobby breathed, taking a step back. "God, I'm such an idiot! Of course it's Mystique- why wouldn't it be? I just poured my heart out to a heartless assassin!"

"I-what? You could tell I wasn't John because I didn't have _scars on my wrists?!_ " Mystique exclaimed, showing her true self. "Normally, this is the part where I'd taunt all of you, but I'm just not in the mood."

"Mystique?!" Storm exclaimed. "Well then, what are _you_ doing so far from the Brotherhood?"

"It's quite simple. I had a solo mission that's none of your business, and now I need to meet up with them again." Mystique replied. "And if you try to follow me, which I wouldn't recommend, I'll know, and I'll make you regret it."

"You think we're just going to let you go?" Rogue cocked an eyebrow. "You'd be an extremely valuable asset to ending this nonsense once and for all! And probably get John back, too."

"I never said anything about letting me, sweetheart. Tsk, I thought you taught them better than this." Mystique looked over at Storm. "So innocent. So naive. I almost can't believe John was raised up by the same people."

"Don't talk about him like you care!" Bobby snapped. "You're just using him like every other one of your pawns! He's been hurt enough as is, you don't need to make him any more damaged!"

Mystique looked to Bobby with an expression almost like she was intrigued by his outburst. "You think I don't care about John? Well, let me assure you, I think of him as a son. And so does Magneto, so don't think for one second we're going to let him do anything stupid that could get himself hurt." Her eyes then moved to Storm. "Unlike a certain someone."

"And just what are you implying?!" Storm demanded, taking a menacing step forward.

"I'm saying you failed him." Mystique replied without missing a beat. "If you noticed whatever scars on his wrists, they were likely more recent than before he came to you. And he did that under your roof, your protection- and yet you couldn't help him."

"No, that's..." Storm trailed off, thinking about it. "That's..." She shook her head. "Stop trying to mess with my head, Mystique. It's not going to work. You're still coming with us. And I call bullshit on you thinking of John as a son."

"His childhood wasn't so different from my own." Mystique continued. "Shittiest parents on the face of the planet, running away, getting adopted into a family you thought could change your whole world; but then they let you down, just like the rest of the world." She glared at Bobby. "I'm doing him a favor."

"By getting him wrapped up in your mess? All that's going to do is get him killed!" Bobby shouted. "And if he dies under your supervision- if you allow _any_ harm to befall him under your supervision- I am going to hunt you down and slowly freeze your insides until you're pleading for death-"

"Bobby!" Rogue exclaimed. "That's horrible! The only thing separating us from them is restraint. Else we'd be just as bad!"

"If she's so confident that John isn't going to get hurt because of what they do, then she's delusional!" Bobby protested. "And anything that happens to him would be her fault, and if anything happened to him, I would make sure she knew it!"

"Wow, so violent. Magneto would approve." Mystique taunted. "Maybe we should've recruited you too. You think just like us."

"I am _nothing_ like you!" Bobby snarled at her. "But when it comes to John, I won't hesitate, bitch."

"Ooh, so intimidating." Mystique rolled her eyes. "Now, if we're done here, I've got a whole group expecting me to catch up with them, and John is among them. I've learned a little bit about him, and I'd like to have an urgent chat with him. So if you'll excuse me,"

Wolverine threw himself at her, claws out, and she easily ducked to avoid him. Bobby wasn't going to let her get away, not if it meant he could actually track down John, once and for all.

He focused on the palms of his hands, rearing back both fists as if he were going to punch her, and unleashed a blizzard from his hands. Mystique was unable to dodge all of the ice, getting her leg up to her thigh stuck in the mini-glacier.

"Talk about packing a punch." She chuckled, trying to pull her leg free. "Gotta learn to control that anger of yours if you don't want to accidentally kill one of your own."

"Where are you meeting the rest of the Brotherhood?!" He demanded, snow flakes starting to fall from his fingertips. "Tell me voluntarily, and I won't give you fourth-degree frostbite."

"Bobby..." Storm said in a warning tone.

"Resorting to torture? Not very hero-like." Mystique taunted. "You'd be delusional to think I don't know how to take many types of pain. All you'd be doing was showing your comrades your merciless side."

"I asked a question."

"You think John will forgive you if you do this to me? The Bobby he knew wouldn't hurt a fly." Mystique grinned as Bobby started to get more agitated. "Did you think he didn't talk about you? It's mostly out of habit, since he's trying to move past his life with all of you, but he does."

"..."

The look on Bobby's face revealed a lot of emotional pain. Good. "And the way he talks about you is the way one talks about something they enjoyed, but never want to do again, like a life-risking endeavor. Which made me come to one simple conclusion."

"Bobby, she isn't going to talk, we should just try something else-" Rogue tried. But he was hardly listening.

"And the conclusion was that," A cruel joy sparked in her eyes. "You broke his heart."

"Stop talking." Bobby finally told her, turning his back to her. Though she noticed with satisfaction that his shoulders were trembling. "This was a waste of time. Let's just go." His voice cracked on that last, short sentence.

"Sure, there's just one last thing I need to do." Kitty said, walking towards Mystique. Mystique looked down at her in confusion. "Do me a favor, and when you see John, give him this for me."

"...Give him what, exactly-" Kitty hugged her tightly, startling the taller woman.

"He probably really needs one. Tell him it's from his good friend Kitty." She said, walking back to the rest of the group. "Who knows? Maybe it'll knock some sense into him."

"I... what?" Mystique looked at her in confusion. "So you're all just going to leave me here?"

"She's right." Wolverine pointed out. "It's kind of stupid to do, considering she's at our mercy. I'm not saying I particularly care about John, but there's plenty of other useful information we could get from her."

"It's too dangerous just to bring her to the mansion. We'd risk her hurting any of our other students, or trying to corrupt them." Storm countered. "So yes, we're just going to leave her. There's nothing else we can do."

"Y'know, I only have the best interest for John, so I'll give you all a bit of advice." Mystique piped up again. "If you want him back, you'll have to convince him to go of his own free will. Which can probably only be done once frosty here speaks from the heart. John is convinced he doesn't care about him as a person, but I can clearly see that's not the case."

Storm cocked an eyebrow at her. "...Since when do you give a damn about anyone?"

"Like I said, I only have the best interest in mind for John. And I can tell you he's not happy where he is." Mystique replied. "But he's too stubborn and prideful to admit it. It'll take quite a bit to snap him out of the slump he's in. And I doubt today would've cut it, had it been him instead of me."

"How can I do that if I don't even know if I'll get the chance to?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Oh, trust me." Mystique smirked. "You'll get your chance soon enough. But until then," She'd finally managed to break her leg free of the ice. "Sayonara!" She then backflipped off the cliff behind her.

Storm and Wolverine ran to the edge as if to catch her, but she was somehow gone already. "...I think it's safe to say their plans are proceeding quicker than we'd anticipated." Storm said. "Which means we need to start figuring out what they're going to do."

"Which means we need to head back to the X-Mansion." Wolverine translated. As everyone started to head back, he stopped Bobby. "A word."

Pausing, Bobby felt a growing anxiety in the pit of his stomach. Wolverine didn't have a good look on his face. "The Brotherhood needs to be stopped, at any cost. If John can't be persuaded to come back, you need to be prepared to do what's necessary."

"...What's necessary?" Bobby echoed, not liking where this was going. "Logan, I'm not going to kill John. I'm physically unable to bring myself to hurt John, much less... that."

"Then I'll do it for you." Wolverine growled. "If he chooses his side, you'll need to choose yours. And in war, you show no mercy for anyone. Whether it be family, friends, or anything else."

"You won't lay a hand on him." Bobby warned him. "I will stop at nothing to get him back, and if you so much as harm a hair on his head-"

"That's what I'm talking about." Wolverine interrupted. "You're willing to attack your own teammates to protect the enemy. I guarantee he will not do the same for you. Best start preparing for worst case scenario. Because his powers are too dangerous to be on the wrong side."

Bobby watched Wolverine go to catch up with the others, leaving him standing atop that hill, wondering if he's right. Would he hurt them to protect John? Would he hurt Storm, or Kitty, or Rogue?

That would practically make him the enemy. He'd just have to hope he can get through to John so he doesn't have to start making those decisions. Because he knew he couldn't hurt John if he tried. But that hesitation could cost him his life.

Hurrying to catch up with the rest of them, he felt a growing sense of dread in his stomach. In war, there was no mercy. It's kill... or be killed.


	6. Best Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mystique returns to the Brotherhood, and finds that Magneto has recruited an army. She decides to have that long overdue conversation with John.

Apparently, while Mystique was gone, Magneto had recruited an entire army. When she arrived at the agreed meeting point, there were an uncountable number of tents in the large forest, hidden from plain sight.

At the moment, she was disguised in her usual blonde appearance as to avoid suspicion when she was going through nearby towns. Also in case the X-Men had tried to follow her. No way they'd be able to track her down if she was blending in.

On her journey over, she'd thought a lot about what she was going to say to him. She knew she'd have to tell John that the X-Men hadn't given up on him, since she was nice enough to fulfill Kitty's request. But how he reacted wasn't going to be pretty.

Feelings weren't something he was very good at. And Mystique knew any attempt to get him to really open up could risk their entire relationship. But she had to admit that she was curious; what had Bobby meant, that he'd set his old family's house on fire?

For him to do something like that would require a lot of provocation. She'd have to agree with Bobby on this one; John would never hurt anyone if he didn't think he had to. And for him to believe he had to, would mean that his family was a danger to him.

Just the thought of that pissed her off. She figured the way he acted about his past required a lot of trauma, but she might've underestimated just how much trauma that was. Clearly, his family deserved what they got.

But she couldn't deny that him doing that had given away their location, which nearly got her caught. It was a good thing the X-Men were all pansies. But all of them had to be worth something, considering they trained John as well.

She forgot that most of the time. John was so different from the rest of the X-men. He wasn't self-righteous, or stuck up, or convinced that anyone who stood against them had to be wrong. In fact, sometimes it sounded like that was part of the reason he'd left.

In truth, Mystique was sure that she didn't know the full story. She'd seen an example of his relationship with Bobby, and she wondered how John ever considered him to be his best friend. It was a rather toxic relationship, from what she'd seen.

Losing John might've been the best thing that ever happened to Bobby. From what she'd seen, it had opened Bobby's eyes to what exactly he'd lost. Which was as much as he deserved, for taking John for granted. She still didn't know the full story, but she was pretty sure that John had gotten that one bullet wound from protecting Bobby. That was a level of friendship Mystique barely saw nowadays.

So she could understand why John was so hurt. He had every right to be. Yet Mystique couldn't help but feel that a part of John wanted things to go back to the way things were. That John missed it more than anything. And that was part of why he hated talking about it so much.

When she arrived at the campsite, the first people she noticed were a group of five, all of which looked like they never grew out of their emo phase. They appeared to be standing guard.

One of them noticed her, and porcupine-like quills sprouted from their face in alarm. Which then made the rest of the group notice her. The probable leader of the group, a woman with slicked back hair leading to a ponytail, stepped forward.

"Are you lost, little girl?" She asked with a hint of a threat behind her voice. Mystique stared at her blankly, almost flattered that she called her 'little girl'.

"Little girl?" Mystique echoed. "I'm flattered you think I'm younger than you. Now move aside, I have business with Magneto."

"Hold up." The tallest out of the rest of them somehow teleport in front of her, blocking her way. "You'll have to wait for his confirmation before we allow can allow you in."

"It's cute that you think you'd be able to stop me if you tried." Mystique taunted. She'd rather not beat up some of Magneto's new recruits and embarrass them in front of the rest of the camp. Luckily, she noticed John walking by. "Oh. Hey, Pyro!"

John brightened the second he saw her, jogging over to the group. "You're late. When you didn't show up this morning, I got a little worried. What kept you?"

"Wait, Pyro, you know her?" The youngest out of the emosquad (as she now was calling them) asked.

"Yeah, this is Mystique." He told them.

"...What?" The one who hadn't spoken yet spoke up. "I thought she was blue. How do you know it's her?"

"Because this is what she looked like when I first met her." John explained. "She can shapeshift. Were any of you paying attention when Magneto told you all to expect her arrival today?"

"Well, technically," Mystique shifted her appearance to Bobby. "This was what I looked like when he first met him, since I was infiltrating- know what? It's a rather long and boring story." She noticed John looked especially uncomfortable while she was in her current form.

"Don't do that without warning, please." John said, his voice sounding a little shook.

"Oh, right." She changed her appearance to what she typically looked like; her natural blue self. "Speaking of that guy, though, he and the rest of the X-Men are what held me up. Since a certain someone set a house on fire."

"You can talk about that later," John quickly cut her off, pulling her into the campsite. "Right now, we should let Magneto know that you're finally here, before he sends a search party out for you."

"Yeah, you make a good point." Mystique nodded, shooting the emosquad a taunting glance before following John through the maze of tents. "After we let him know I'm here, though, I'd like to have a talk with you in private."

"If it's about what the X-Men had to say, I'm not interested." John replied, not missing a beat.

"We're having that conversation, Pyro. Whether you like it or not." Mystique told him. "And it can be in private, or in front of the whole Brotherhood for all I care. It's happening."

"I was looking forward to you coming back, but now I wish you'd stayed away a bit longer." John grumbled.

"It would only delay the inevitable." Mystique pointed out. "Anyway, what's their deal?" She indicated the bunch behind them. "They all seem like pleasant people."

"They were who Magneto was looking for." John responded, relieved the subject had changed. "They call themselves the Omegas or whatever. They're all basically a group of edgy gangsters who think of themselves as higher than most of us. But they're kind of cool, I guess."

"The Omegas? That's a shitty name." Mystique snickered.

"That's what I said when I first heard it too." John nodded. "But Magneto needed one of their mutations or something to help find the mutant the cure is being made from. He also recruited a few other wackjobs who are supposedly important to his plan. And the rest of these people volunteered."

"Define 'wackjobs' for me." Mystique requested.

"They're all some kind of not right in the head. One of them is just a walking ton of muscle that can break through walls. Juggernaut, I think." John informed her. "He isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean. Probably has brain damage from all those walls he crashes through on the daily."

"Magneto always did like strong fighters." Mystique sighed. "I guess this mission isn't going to be a discrete one."

"Not in the slightest." John chuckled. "There's another guy who can multiply himself. He's not so bad, but his eyes give me chills, and I hate it."

"Let me take a wild guess; they're pale blue." Mystique guess.ed

"They're _icy_ blue. Which is worse." John grumbled. "His name is kind of on the nose, too. Multiple Man."

"Someone say my name?"

John shrieked, jumping a good few feet away from the man standing only inches behind where he was a second ago. "Why the hell do you keep _doing_ that?!" He exclaimed. Mystique had to keep herself from laughing.

"Because you're reaction is hilarious every time, kid." He shrugged. "That sound was a new one though. Didn't think you could make a noise that high pitched."

"Shut your face, dumbass." John hunched his shoulders, avoiding eye contact.

"Sorry, I don't believe we've been introduced." He turned to Mystique. "The name's James. Though most people know me as, 'Multiple Man'. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"Mystique." She introduced herself. "I believe I've heard of you before. You were the one who robbed those seven banks. At the same time."

"That'd be correct, m'lady." James grinned. "You're probably on your way to Magneto's tent, yes? How about I accompany you?"

"How about you don't?" John grumbled at him. James just laughed in response, ruffling John's hair. He swatted at his hand in annoyance, to get it away from his head. "Don't touch me."

"Alright, fine, kid." James sighed, beginning to walk away. "If you need me, just holler!"

Mystique couldn't help but snicker at John's annoyed expression. "Well he seems like a pleasant person."

"Don't let his demeanor delude you." John replied, continuing to walk down the path between tents that would lead to the front of the campsite, which was where Magneto would be. "He's a dick."

"Sounds to me like you just don't like being called 'kid'." Mystique observed.

"I'm not a kid, and shouldn't be treated like one. It pisses me off." John growled. "I could burn him alive if I wanted to."

"I'm sure you've threatened him with that before, and I'm guessing he just patronized you." She guessed. From the way John muttered something under his breath in annoyance, she was probably right. "Well, no need to dwell on that. I got the information Magneto needs, and now I've got to report it."

"So you got the location?" John translated.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Mystique teased, walking beside him. "We're going to get rid of that cure once and for all. And then there won't be anything standing in our way to victory against humans."

She noticed John looked a little off, like he was conflicted. "This is the furthest we've come in our fight against humans. It's a lot better than anything the X-Men have ever come up with."

Mystique sensed there was more. "But...?"

"This is going to sound stupid." John warned her, taking a deep breath. "But it seems... immoral. I-I'm not saying I won't do whatever it takes, but since I _was_ still taught by Professor X, I'm stuck with these ideas that killing, no matter what the reason, is never the answer. It's dumb, I know."

"No, no." Mystique assured him quickly. "Keep those lessons in your mind. You shouldn't have to get your hands dirty if you don't want to. Killing someone is something you can _never_ come back from. Ever."

"So, what? If I was ordered to take someone's life, you're saying a shouldn't?" John cocked an eyebrow. "I'm loyal to the Brotherhood, and I'll do whatever it takes. I don't have anything to lose."

"Yes, John, you do." John flinched. It never meant anything good when she called him that. "You have a soul, and a good heart. But once you take a life, you lose a part of that. And I can't have you do that."

"What if I don't want that?" John protested. "Having a heart and a soul means there's something left to be hurt. I've been hurt enough already, and I don't ever want to feel that pain again. Dedicating my life to this cause, means dedicating everything I have left in me to it. Meaning I'll do what I have to."

" _John_." Mystique said firmly. "If you still feel hurt by things, it means you still have that humanity in you, and you need to hold onto that. I know that the world isn't fair, but once you become numb to the hurt, you become numb to everything else too. I wouldn't change a single thing about you, and you shouldn't either."

"Now you're doing it too." John scoffed.

"Doing what?"

"Treating me like a child! I'm not some delicate thing that's going to break easily!" John snapped. "I don't care, if I lose my humanity! I'm done sitting around, being too cowardly to do what I have to! I burned down my parents house because I was enraged, because they deserved every bit of pain they received from it! And I would do it again! What I don't want again, is that horrible twisted feeling in my stomach, that madness in my head, screaming at me that I'm everything they said I was, that I'm a monster! I'm done, being weak!"

Mystique blinked at him, a little taken aback by his exclamation. She was left speechless, trying to take in everything he had just told her. All of that was bottled up inside him for god knows how long, and that was barely even a tenth of all the different kinds of pain going through his head.

John took a deep breath, hugging himself. "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I should go." He quickly walked away, heading away from the campsite, and further into the forest.

She contemplated going after him, but she was required to go tell Magneto what she'd found. She could track John down after that. He could use the space, for the time being.

Hurrying to Magneto's tent, she wanted to get it over with as fast as possible so she could go after him. They needed to talk. Desperately.

"Hey, Erik." She greeted, entering his large tent. He looked up from whatever he was doing at her. 

"There you are. I was just about to send a search party for you." Magneto exasperated. "Come, sit."

"I'd rather make this quick. There's, uh, something else that frantically requires my attention." Mystique admit. "If you don't mind."

"No, not at all." Magneto nodded. "It's John, isn't it."

"Yes, actually, how'd you- never mind." She collected herself. "My report. The mutant's name is Jimmy. The government is keeping him at a Worthington facility on- get this- Alcatraz island."

"Alcatraz, you say? Convenient." Magneto noted. "Good. We can move forward with our plans thanks to you. You may be dismissed."

Without wasting a second, Mystique was already out the door, heading for the woods. She needed to find John before he did something stupid again. Now maybe he just wanted to be alone. But after finding out about those scars on his wrists thanks to Bobby, her imagination got the better of her.

He could be just about anywhere by now. She just needed to look for footprints, or some kind of trail. The only good thing about him being in this low point was that he might finally decide to tell her what he needed to get off his chest.

It was a good thing there were dry leaves on the ground, considering she could follow the broken ones. He couldn't have gotten _that_ far ahead, right? Yet it felt like she was walking forever.

The dead giveaway that she was on the right path was when she started hearing the clicking of his lighter, flicking open and closed. When she saw him, he was sitting on a fallen tree, staring into the fire. He looked annoyed.

"You know Magneto gave you those duel wrist-mounted flamethrowers so you didn't have to use you're lighter, right?" He hardly seemed startled by her voice, like he didn't want to waste the energy being surprised.

"It helps me think." He replied. "I told you I was sorry. I just have a lot going on right now."

"Believe me, I know." Mystique hummed, sitting down next to him. "My curiosity tends to get the better of me sometimes, so when the X-Men found me, I pretended to be you." John looked over at her in alarm. "At first, it was just to mess with them. But then Bobby started talking."

"Yeah, and I'm guessing he never shut up, did he." John scoffed.

"That's not the point I'm trying to make." Mystique frowned. "You mean... the world, to him. He was willing to do anything to get you back. When he was trying to talk me- well, _you_ \- into going back, he sounded so sincere and desperate. They really miss you, y'know."

"I don't care." John dismissed, trying to ignore her.

"Yes you do." Mystique sighed. "I can tell. But there's something else I wanted to talk to you about." John glanced over at her curiously. "They way that they figured out I wasn't you," She gently took his forearm in her hand, and pushed back his sleeve before he could do anything. "was because I didn't have these scars."

John immediately pulled his arm back to him, covering his wrists with his sleeves again. "Ah. If you're asking if I'm still suicidal, I'm not going to go out of my way to kill myself. You can relax."

"Not the best answer you could've given me, but not the worst, I suppose." Mystique frowned. "Something gives me the feeling that those aren't your only scars, though."

John tensed, which made the answer to her assumption clear. "I'm sure everyone has plenty of scars that are accidental. I don't have that many, I'm sure." That sounded like a blatant lie.

She stared at him for a moment, before deciding what else to say. "Who is Kitty to you?"

"Hm?" John looked up at her. "How do you know her?"

"I don't." Mystique admit, shifting to Kitty's appearance. "But she told me to give you this." Before he could stop her, she gave him a crushing bear hug like Kitty had given her.

"Oi, oi, let go!" He said after a second, pushing her arms away from him. "What part of 'moving on' don't you understand?! Look, I appreciate whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish, but it seems like you don't want me to stay. Why do you want me to change my mind so badly?"

"..." Mystique stared at him for a minute or two. "I want to make sure you aren't making the wrong choice."

"I'm not! For the last time, _I want to be here_. This was my decision, and I'm not going to budge on it." John stated firmly. "For my whole life, I wanted to do something that would make an impact on the world. If I were to die right now, my life would've amounted to nothing."

Mystique sighed, standing up. "Alright then." She said, extending a hand to him. "I trust you. Now let's get back to camp before we make anyone worry." John hesitated, but took her hand and hoisted himself to his feet.

"Okay."

"Oh, one last thing," Mystique said, glancing over at him. "Is there anything you really need to get off your chest? Something you need to say to someone that you've held onto forever?"

The way he tensed up answered that question. "No, what gave you that idea?" He played it off, not looking at her. "I'm done talking about my feelings, they don't matter right now. What does matter, is getting rid of this cure before it's used to end mutantkind forever."

"Always the mission with you." Mystique frowned. "You seem to do anything to avoid talking about yourself. You better not be forcing yourself to participate in all this."

John scoffed but didn't answer, just hurried on ahead so he wouldn't have to talk to her. It was getting annoying, whenever he avoided things. She just wished he'd talk to her for once.

Maybe that was how his friends felt. So irritated that he wouldn't talk to them about how he was feeling; after all, if she remembered correctly, that was part of Bobby's argument that month or two ago on the ship. Perhaps Bobby wasn't the only one at fault here.

No, Bobby _definitely_ wasn't the only one at fault. And he also certainly wasn't the only one in denial about being wrong. _Why do men have to be so reserved about their feelings? Is it their masculinity?_

It was probably their masculinity. Trying to repress their emotions was what got them into this mess in the first place. One would think they'd learn from their mistakes by now. But alas, twas not so.

They were too dense.

 _Well, it's not really my problem, I suppose._ Mystique thought to herself. _I just have to hope that the X-Men can talk some sense into him if and when they try to stop our plans. If something were to happen to John, I'm not sure if I'd be able to live with myself. Luckily, he's no pawn. Magneto's not going to let him get himself killed either._

Speaking of plans, Magneto was going to release the warning tape to the media soon, in which would request the assistance of any other mutant that wasn't already with them. And if they were stand in their way, they would therefore be marked as an enemy.

In her opinion, the tape was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they needed all the help they could get, and were effectively declaring war on humankind. But on the other, they were letting everyone know of their plan, and allowed the humans and X-Men know where they'd be attacking.

Really, it was going to do more harm than good, but she wasn't going to tell Magneto not to do it. He always knew what he was doing, and must've known the consequences. He also probably believed that it didn't matter what the humans tried to do; they wouldn't be able to stop them.

In the morning, they'd be heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. After all, that bridge was their quickest way to Alcatraz island. But for now, it was getting dark, and everyone needed to get some rest.

She yawned, arriving at the camp a little later than John, of whom she noticed walking with his hands in his pockets for a tent on the edge of the campsite, a little further away from anyone else. Mystique rolled her eyes. He didn't seem to get along with almost anyone. If this was the life he wanted, he really should make some friends.

If she told him that, he'd likely snap at her again. She understood that he didn't want to get hurt again, but cutting himself off from everyone could just as easily get him killed. If he couldn't accept help when he needed it, he was going to live a rather lonely life.

Not if she had anything to say about it, however.


End file.
